Loading ...See the fundies are screaming that there’s a war on christmas, and the bleeding hearts are screaming back that, no, on the contrary, we’re just respecting diversity. Well goddammit all to hell, I want a war. I mean finally, something decent to start a war over - and the only casualties are a few plaster wise men and some reign-deer.
Come on people, don’t sit around saying diversity blah blah respect blah freedom of religion blah. Why don’t we just admit we fucking hate christmas and give the fundies their all-out war. And I’m not talking about some pansy-ass calling-the-ACLU-every-minute kind of war. I’m talking shepherds and sheep, mixing it up, wise men dressed in lace panties gettin’ down with the angels, condoms and cock-rings dropped in the bell-ringers’ buckets, reign-deer in lipstick and santa in a garter-belt, and baby Jesus slapped silly till he cries like a… well like a baby.
As a holiday, Christmas sucks. Have you heard that music, for fuck’s sake?! And the clashing colours. Hey, I like red. I like green - but they were never meant to sit right next to each other. Santa Claus is a badly-dressed old man who likes lots of kiddies to sit in his lap. And I’m sorry, but elves do NOT really look like that. In real life they look like Orlando Bloom in a bad wig. And aren’t we all tired of the baby Jesus and his lousy attitude? Time for the baby Jesus to grow up and get an afterlife. And for those of you who are still undecided about which side to join, I got two words for ya: Fruit Cake.
Come on, who’s with me? Lets take the christ out of christmas and kick his baby ass all the way back to heaven.
I’m hiring Bas as our propagandist (our very own Hanoi Hannah). Richard can be secretary of defense - I’m sure he’ll do a better job than Rumsfeld. And Mojo can be director of intelligence.
I’ll bring the mojitos.
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This entry was posted on Friday, December 8th, 2006 at 10:54 am and is filed under criminal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
This is a Public Service Announcement from the Peoples United Againt Christmas; PUAC.
Chrismas is dead, dead, DEAD!
No more sloppy Xmas songs.
No more bells ringing.
Hold the F. cake.
There is no historical record whatsoever that confirms the figure Christ. None. It’s just an excuse for gooy goodyism. Joy-on-a-rope.
(Just a first draft.. Should i have used all capitals for more impact? And do we actually have a good alternative to Xmas?)
I’m off to Laibach.. Salutem!
Alright! Bas is already on the job.
Enjoy Laibach! Tell’em I said hello.
As far as an alternative to xmas is concerned, I say we replace it with a trip to Tahiti.
Tahitimas?! I’m in!!! Meet me there in a few days… (Well, I can dream, can’t I?)
My dreams are about the only way I’m gettin’ to Tahiti this year, but I like the idea of Tahitimas. “Merry Tahitimas!”, from now on thats the greeting I’m using for the bell-ringers.