Loading ...Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
all is bright
‘Round yon virgin….
When I was little, I didn’t know that the words round yon virgin mean around that virgin over there. I thought the words round and yon were adjectives describing the virgin’s appearance. I knew what round meant, and it was understandable that the virgin was round, having just given birth to the baby Jesus an’ all. But I wasn’t sure what yon meant.
For a while I assumed it meant young. Mary was a round young virgin. Just the way I like’em. And who could blame god for choosing a round young virgin to boff? He’s god! He isn’t going to choose some withered old crone, now is he?
I’ve always wondered why Zeus always had to disguise himself to get with a woman. You would think he’d just need to show up and say, “I’m Zeus, lets fuck”. It’d work with me, but then I’m easily impressed. “Zeus?”, I’d say, “hell yeah! Hey, while we’re at it, can you grant me some immortality?”
But no, he always had to disguise himself. And not very good disguises either. A shower of gold? Nah, thats not going to draw attention. Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just a shower of gold. Move along, move along… while I slip unnoticed into this woman’s vagina…..
Sleep in heavenly peas. Sleee-eeep in heavenly peas.
Technorati Tags: Silent night, war on christmas, making baby jesus cry, zeus does it in disguise, god’s taste in women
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This entry was posted on Saturday, December 9th, 2006 at 9:04 pm and is filed under phenomenal, seminal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
My favorite Zeus-having-sex-with-worshipper disguise was a swan. A SWAN!! Who in the hell thinks “King of all gods is just too low class for me, but I could get it on with a swan.” For Zeus’ sake, Leda, there is nothing that can possibly be good about having sex with a swan.
You didn’t even get any good kids out of the union. Helen, beautiful though she may be just kind of sat around getting kidnapped! Clytemnestra and Kastor and Polydeuces (Castor and Pollox) may not even have been Zues’ kids!
Or maybe Leda saw swan-Zues and thought, “Damn it! Now I have to do with a swan. What the hell is wrong with that god? Why can’t he just come to someone as himself?!”
Just ask Ganymede about that. Even then there wer eagles involved.
By the way, Che. I love that Pollox is “very sweet” and Castor means “beaver.” Does that mean that all Geminis have very sweet beavers?
Not ALL Geminis, but me definitely. And yes I always thought a swan was a pretty LAME disguise, I mean lets face it - bird genitals ain’t all that impressive. And yet, if anyone could make the whole episode sound impressive, it was Yeats, whose poem, Leda and the Swan I’ll quote in full:
Leda and the Swan
A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.
How can those terrified vague fingers push
The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
And how can body, laid in that white rush,
But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?
A shudder in the loins engenders there
The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
And Agamemnon dead. Being so caught up,
So mastered by the brute blood of the air
Did she put on his knowledge with his power
Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?
But of Clytemnestra is a possible fruit of the union betwixt Leda and Zues and Agamemnon was Clytie’s husband, then how can Agamemnon be dead.
Those myths can be so confusing.
As are all myths, including those ones in the bible, which brings us right back to this holy season and the myth of the baby jesus.
And beautiful Christmas carols make the Baby Jesus cry!
Especially if sung by Stevie Nicks.
White Christmas, by Pat Boone.
Pat Boone makes more than the baby Jesus cry.
I have to stop reading these at work. I look quite the fool laughing myself silly in my office. Damn those glass sidelights!
Che, I’m glad that you too did not know what was meant by “round yon virgin.” I had no clue. I just knew that “virgin” was a vaguely dirty word and that round meant, well, round. But, together, they made NO sense to me as a kid. Eventually, I decided to ignore it, but the sheer ubiquity of the tune forces us to consider its meaning. Thank the gods I live in an area where Christmas is at least just one of many holidays at this time of year. Not many Chanukkah or Solstice tunes around to offset the Christmas ones, though. Unfortunately.
As for Greek mythology, well, I have to agree with Che. If a god showed up and said, hey, I want to get it on with you, I think I would be inclined to say yes based on the simple fact that, well, he’s a god. Plus, I would try to bargain my way into something good such as fabulous wealth or always being thin, etc. I mean, why else sleep with a god unless you can get something from it? Of course, there is all that smiting when gods don’t get their way. It’s all about balance.
As for Zeus’s children, what kind of names are those? Clytemnestra sounds like an STD and Kastor sounds like a laxative. Polydeuces definitely sounds like a disease you don’t want, unless maybe you’re a card player, and Pollox sounds like a disease dogs get in their dangly bits. “Oh, you know, Fido has pollox. I have to apply cream twice a day, hence the bite marks”. I know they were Greek, but really: reconsider those names.
That Yeats poem is new to me (not a poetry type for those wondering why I know nothing of the body of Yeats’ work). Maybe that’s a good thing because it makes him seem like a pervy chicken fucker.
Stevie Nicks makes the Baby Jesus high. Pat Boone makes us all cry.
Well thats the first time I’ve seen Yeats called a pervy chicken-fucker. Why not just dis all my favourite poets? Next thing you’ll be calling Ezra Pound a pervy cat-fucker.
“…Fat panther lay by me,
girls talked there of fucking,
beasts talked there of eating….”
Yes thats right, I like all the bestiality poets
At least you are laughing at work. I just laughed out loud on a train platform! I certainly got the “Crazy man on the platform” stares when I did that.
And not only did I laugh out loud at Mojo’s Yeats description, I also groaned out loud at Polydeuces. Card player indeed! Bennet Cerf would be proud!
Hehe…. crazy man on the platform.
I think I once had Clytemnestra, but a shot of penicillin cleared that right up.
Orestes once thought he had Clytemnestra but he gouged his eyes out and felt much better.
I ask you, was there ever a happier family?
My family makes the Orestes clan look like the fucking Waltons. There are times when gouging out my eyes seems like a fine idea. Knitting needles in the ears - even better.
I think you’ll find if you spend much time with me or my words, you’ll get the crazy stares. All that matters is that you are entertained.
Sorry to malign your poets, Che. I just go with what I know, which is very little. I could be mistaken about Yeats, to be sure. Still, given your love of Ezra Pound as well as Yeats, I am more than a little concerned about your interest in the beasties. Just be sure to replace your Shower to Shower powder with some flea powder and you should be fine. I hear that Ezra Pound is into pervy cat fucking, but who can say?
R the P, I am glad you noticed by Cerf-worthy pun. I put it there especially for you.
I think if you have Clymenestra, you should avoid plucking out your eyes. Seems a bit extreme, but those Greeks do love their drama. In abundance.
However, there are some circumstances where gouging out a family members’ eyes is the only logical thing to do. I mean, at least you didn’t kill them, right? That’s something to be proud of: Not killing your family should go right at the top of your résumé!
Mojo! Have you been reading my resume again?
Sorry, Che, but your résumé WAS posted on your website. Oh, no, wait, that was the ilovebeasties.net website, or was that your other website, fuck-christmas-and-celebrate-tahimitas-instead.com?
we really need a tahitimas website. We haven’t had such a good idea since we all became pope.
Ahem…. my profile on the ilovebeasties.net website was supposed to be private. I suppose its not all that private if i go putting my name on it.
I’m certain all this ‘beastie’ talk is making baby jesus cry.
Yeah, well, he asked for it with all those rules in the bible.
Tomorrow 9AM Ken Freedman will be playing three hours of alternate versions of ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ on WFMU.. Even a dutch version :o See wfmu.org
Jeez.. I got so many Xmas songs here.. Not one worth mentioning. Although Klaus Nomi doing ‘Silent Night’ is pretty.. well, weird?
What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a happening?
Just a little bit of Jesus Christ Superstar.
Mojo can tell you how much he LOVES JC Superstar. Almost as much as he loves Tommy. That deaf dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball!
Just ask him about Ann-Margaret roll around in beans and chocolate. He thinks it is cinematic genius.
He really doesn’t think these things.
But I do! Roll, Ann! Roll!
Gods bless Ann-Margaret. ‘Cause she ain’t on my list after that atrocity! Arguably, her beans and chocolate scene is the best in the movie. At least JCS had some decently memorable tunes, in a 70s sort of way. Still, I’m going to get some coffee now to clear my mind of these abominations.