Loading ...Well, he’s obviously somebody’s friend, if the picture is any indication.
In the season of baby Jesus, lets not forget that big Jesus has his eye (and his hand) on our children, and not in a good way. Don’t believe me? Just pop over to the My Friend website and have a looksee for yourself. What were the catholics thinking when they put up that graphic on their cover page? And was Jesus really that white? They’ve got’im lookin’ like an unshaven, stoned David Cassidy in a bathrobe.
Go ahead, accuse me of having a dirty mind. OF course I do! I have a dirty mind AND I enjoy making fun of catholics, and other religious folk. Its not like I have a whole helluva lot else to do.
Any minute now I’m going to be called away to shell pecans. Pecans, people. So I need to make the best of the time I have by surfing the net for lewd and suggestive pictures of the Lord.
That pic kind of reminds me of those pictures you see in the Watchtower. Maybe the Catholics and the Jehovah’s Witnesses employ the same artist. I love those watchtower pictures. All those wholesome-looking people picking apples together. Apple picking - this seems to be the Jehovah’s Witness idea of paradise, because everytime you see picture in the watchtower of the earthly paradise after the second coming of Jesus, its always wholesome looking people, picking apples or harvesting grain or something.
This is paradise? Is it any wonder I prefer hell? Oh but wait, the Jehovans don’t believe in hell, so I’m even denied even that to look forward to. Its pickin’ apples, or nothin’. Guess I’ll take the nothin’.
I suppose they might give me a job shelling pecans. I’m gettin’ good at it.
Today, you see, is baking day. Fudge, cakes, cookies, confections, and various and sundry christmas (and tahitimas) treats, though I don’t think I’ve yet converted my family to the celebration of tahitimas, nor to the joys of nude pogo-wassailing. To be honest, there’s no-one in my family who should be seen nude-pogo-wassailing. The very idea of Don….
….oh, now I’ve gone blind. I’ll leave you with this image from the watchtower, so you can go blind too.
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Saturday, December 23rd, 2006 at 2:24 pm and is filed under edible, fanatical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I think you got the idea of nude-pogo-wassailing there
I once got a Jehova’s Witness crying. I only said i didn’t get the fact he was talking to me when he could have been having fun with his family back home. I’m still not sure why he started crying.
I make fun of the JWs, but actually I kinda like’em. Aside from all that prosyletising they do, they can be pretty nice, pretty interesting if you’re actually in the mood to talk to them.
Once, on hallowe’en, I was getting ready to go out. I was bedecked in black and actually looking pretty devilish, and a Jehovah’s Witness came to the door. She said, “I see you’re all ready for Hallowe’en”
I looked perplexed. “No”, I said.
Hehe
Hi, hi!
I just wish they’d not be so chronically sad… It is probably part of the act though? A way of starting a conversation.
Maybe i shouldn’t try to cheer them up so much. It seems to confuse them totally. :|
My aunt and uncle were Jehovans, and they were the funnest relatives I had. When I was a kid, we used to gather at my grandmother’s house, my Uncle would play the Ukelele and sing, while my aunt would dance with me around the living room. Okay okay, we were a bunch of hicks. But them was the days.
I stand duly corrected.. It’s probably more of a general city dweller trait to start whining on first contact..
God bless the joyous hicks!
When I was dating Steve, these two young Baptist boys came to our door and said “Do you mind if we come in and talk to you about the joys of accepting the Lord Jesus Christ?” I said, “Do you mind if we talk to you about the joys of homosexuality?”
And believe it or not, they came inside!
Of course, we used to say if you were gay and needed a date, you should always check the Baptist Student Union table at lunch. They wouldn’t tell anyone, but they were always good for a quick roll in the hay, followed by much guilt that could only be alleviated by another roll in the hay.
Gives a whole new look on the famous lyrics: “Thank God i’m a country boy!”
Life ain’t nothin’ but a funny, funny riddle!
(I guess there are few good words that rhyme with “fiddle”… Thankfully.)
Having grown up in a fundie household, my experience tells me that they had no idea that these images are in any way strange or rude. At least not consciously. Subconsciously, these folks are seriously repressed, so anything’s possible.
I have to say that my fundie family did absolutely NO singing nor dancing, unless it was “for the Lord”. Yes, yes, the Lord has times when He needs dancin’ and a-singin’ to keep Him happy. Who knows what He wants? You just have to do His bidding when you are directed. Because He obviously speaks directly to us Good Christians. How do you heathens live without talking directly to the Lord every day? I hear voices all the time.
Apple orchards indeed. I lived on a mini-farm of sorts. It ain’t all beauties in tight fabrics. It’s a lot of hard, boring work. Although, a strappin’ young farm lad riding on a big horse does beg the point, in a Freudian sense. Hmmmm…. And apples? Oh, Freud again: Apples is a slang word for [ahem] testicles. As for the overly-friendly Jesus poster, I won’t even address that weirdness.
These fundies need some seriously good sex (or something approximating it at least). Sex did me a world of good. I see why the fundies don’t want us doing Anything Fun. We might find out that the fundie way is sad, stupid, and dull. Plus, all the good stuff about life is traded out for what, a sense of pious superiority? I’ll take sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll, thanks. I already KNOW I’m superior.
Middle, Diddle, Piddle…. Spittle?
Oh, Mojo, everyone knows the apple is the symbol for the FEMALE genitals. Cut it in half - does it look like TESTICLES? Well…. to YOU it probably does.
That last picture.. isn’t that tomatoes she’s stealing? Help me out here.. I’m missing the symbolism. Third generation heathen here.
Oh no! I’m not at all up on my symbolism. But Che is correct. It’s all balls to me.
I hate fresh tomatoes unless they’re being turned into something delicious, so I never think of them. So, it MUST be apples! But you’re probably right… tomatoes. Perhaps it’s really a Thematic Apperception Test. What do you see?! Black trannie enjoying working on a farm away from his prissy Boston mother, eagerly awaiting the day that the Blondie rubs her beautiful big red applematoes all over him. The brunette can join in too, but she’s not really that important. Suggested location for said tryst is the big freakin red barn. Doesn’t everybody see that?
Bas, I’m so glad to hear that you are a 3rd generation heathen. If only we could all be so lucky to avoid the torture that is christianity [dreaming of Bas's wonderfully Jesus-free upbringing -- sigh].
Here I was reeling from Bas’ thematically apperceiving the woman stealing the applematoes when Mojo goes and throws a wandering tranny in the mix.
Is it wrong that I see Cheryl Ladd as Chris Monroe in absolutely the worst undercover operation Charlie ever sent her on? “Angels, someone is stealing applematoes…”
Ha, ha!! Hey, i feel another of Che’s near-lethal drinks is in order here.. Something with wickedly sinful applematoes juice? Gah.. It already sounds like a ill-health drink by itself.
Maybe just a small pinch of polonium 211 as a clincher? If it fails you’d at least be producing glowing green offspring to skip to another fine topic raised!
Oh Che.. Give me a worthy name to this drink.
Applematotini ?
Applemato Bloody Mary ?
Bloody Disasterapplematotini ?!?!
Perhaps the Jeebus painter had too many Bloody Disasterapplematotinis which explains the bloody great disaster that is the catholic “friends” graphic. [shudder]
R the P, it’s not wrong that you see the worst Charlie’s Angels mission ever in that TAT photo… just worrying. See, one is a judgment; the other is an accurate observation.
How about a little clam juice for a clamapplematotini?
Mojo, it should be more worrying that every time I see three people walking next to each other I think “Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy and they were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is Charlie.”
This happens regardless of the gender or appearance of the three people. It is also a lot to think when three people are walking together.
And my favorite angel? The only one to stay through the entire series, Kelly Garrett. I wish I could say it were Sabrina Duncan, but I’m shallow. I loved Jacklyn Smith (Kelly’s) hair.
It better be very lethal.. that clamapplematotini! Imagine having to order that all night. It sounds way sexy though!
I loved C’s A’s by the way. Ran here as well.
First of all, R the P. Charlie’s Angels? Could you be any more gay? I just remember everyone wanted to have Farrah’s hair. But I have super straight hair that doesn’t want to do anything - so I was way left out, and my 3 cans of hairspray would last all of ten minutes.
And I was thinking of naming the drink a “Johnny Tomappleseed (Can’t Read)” but thats actually pronouncable, so clamapplematotini it is. Or we could put crab in it and call it crabapplemotatini. Mmmmmm … crabapplemotatini.
Have you tried Google on Charlie’s Angels? I had no idea they still were so popular! Ok.. not as popular as JC.. or the devil.
I like the opener for JC on wiki:
Jesus (2-8 BC/26-36AD)
He’s always been a man born before his time.
Charlie’s Angels played a large part in my development.
Now they weren’t as earthy as the Bionic Woman or as, ahem, buxom as Wonder Woman, but they were female action heroes and as a 7 year old gay boy, I LOVED them. Loved them.
And it didn’t hurt that my dad loved them, so we always got to watch the show. In fact, it was the ONLY show that my sister and I were allowed to stay up past 9 to watch! My parents obviously thought that these “three little girls” were important to our development. I guess they would encourage my sister’s athleticism and decrease my gayness.
But my parents had never heard of camp. Those angels made me GAYER; they didn’t straighten me out at all.
Ha, ha, ha!! I think those butch angles tickled anybody in their own fantasy!
And then a boss who was safely tucked away over the phone..
It’s… it’s coming back to me now.. Wasn’t it that whenever things got serious the three lowered their voices? Almost unnatural. Like they tucked in their chins.. and their excessive eye contact. Is that ‘method acting’?