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Loading ...Pork roast for dinner tomorrow, and I have decided to lock Don in the closet so that not a drop of Worcestershire sauce touches that succulent fire-pig. I’ve commandeered the pork, I’m taking over. But I’ve found a recipe that I’m sure will appeal to everyone, even the rednecks. Maybe especially the rednecks. Beer-braised pork loin.
After I got back to bed this morning I dreamed that FEMA sent me three bucks. Yeah, even three dollars would be a miracle from those bastards.
Anyway, see, this is the anger phase. The phase where I stick pins in my London-thief voodoo doll and commandeer fire-pigs from my Worcestershire-happy step-parent. Next is the bargaining phase where I say, “Hey, thief, just send me a plane ticket to London and we’ll call it even” or “alright, I’ll let you add a drop of soy sauce if you let me add some pineapple”. Something like that.
And why is it, I must ask, that when one gets old enough to have hemorrhoids, one also becomes just senile enough to talk about them. Now, I’m not going to start talking about my mother’s hemorrhoids, but I just want people to know that I have to hear about them frequently. “If it ain’t my head”, she says, “Its my butt”. Thanks mom.
Buy me a beer!
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It might be Worcestershire sauce is an excellent natural relief for hemorrhoids
Oh good lord, Bas, there’s an image I really didn’t need in my head. If you really really want to perpetuate the hemorrhoid discussion (you don’t, do you?) I can tell you what my mother is using to treat hers.
Vicks Vapor Rub.
OUCH!
So, I’ve heard it works, but I hope I never have to find out.
Well, um, hemorrhoids apparently run in my family.
That is all that needs to be said on the matter.
And IF I happen to have them, I shall not, under any circumstance, shove some Worcestershire sauce up my butt and hope for some curing!
Che, this discussion is sure to lure the 12 lurkers into the open. Everyone loves to talk about bleeding bottoms and condiments up their butt!
Well if I had to choose a condiment to put up my butt, it would probably be mayonnaise. I hate EATING mayonnaise. YUCK. But it seems like a soothing condiment. A little slippery though.
Probably the worst butt-condiment would be pepper-vinager. Or Texas Pete hot sauce. Or horse-radish. Can’t imagine those would be any fun.
Oh… I know. Strawberry jam. Soothing, good for the skin, and smells nice.
Why? What is that lovely strawberry scent in the air?
That’s just my butt.
This post hasn’t had many visitors - I wonder why.
Anyway, speaking of scents and fire pigs, I just wanted to let people know that BPAL has released a limited edition scent called FIRE PIG! What a bold choice for a perfume name.
Anyway, the scent is described thusly:
A new year’s blessing! Peony, China’s national flower, with bamboo for flexibility, plum blossom for perseverance, courage, and hope, tangerine for wealth, orange for happiness, lychee for household peace, pine resin for constancy, golden kumquat, pussy willow, and quince for prosperity, narcissus and King mandarin for good fortune, and peach blossom for longevity, with a splash of blazing red of dragon’s blood… to help you scare away the rampaging Nian.
And can be found here:
http://www.blackphoenixalchemylab.com/limited.html
Its available until mid-March. R the P (aka the sweat queen) likely has no interest in such things, but Mojo might appreciate the magickal qualities of the BPAL wares. Shelly might also enjoy.
But I just HAD to plug the fire pig.
BPAL Fire Pig LOL… I got to remember that one. If it smells even remotely like a pig, they might have a winner!
And i don’t want to rub it in Che, but i just had this cartoonesk image of Don chasing your mother with the Worcestershire bottle.
Not sure where to go with THIS discussion, but suffice it to say that Che is quite the trooper to be able to tolerate theft, FEMA, parental butt discussions, etc. Amazing, really. Che, you are truly awesome.
Thanks for the info on the BPAL scent. VERY interesting… quite a name too.
Bas, I don’t even know what to say about your cartoonish imagery, except… WOW. Thanks for that one. Now it’s stuck in my head!
What a cartoon image - eek. Once in a while Bas stoops to our level *L*.
I do highly recommend BPAL for all your scently needs. I’m not big on perfumes or any sort of anything that reeks of high-maintenance, but BPAL scents are so much more than perfume.
Its been a long time since I’ve been free to indulge in their wares but I do still have some generous remnants of my favorites. Mojo, if you like scents but would like to look into something more unique and magickal, you should take a closer look at their inventory. S’good stuff.
Well what can I do but tolerate the intolerable, and just keep rollin’ along. As long as my kitties have a roof and food, then we’re good. No point in letting this shit drive me crazy - I have to stay sane enough to spend my money wisely when I strike it rich.