Loading ...“Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”
What? No eight year old should go around singing that, and yet she does. So I taught KK the ‘real’ lyrics to the song. “Don’t you wish your kittie was cute like Bea.” Hell I like those lyrics better anyway. What a stupid song. Is this the sort of garbage in the top 40 these days? Makes me glad I’m pop-culturally illiterate.
Its Wednesday night, and I’m preparing to make my usual “Lost sucks” post, but until Lost comes on, we have Rob’s horoscopes to entertain us. Here’s mine for the week:
Studies show that people in Utah take antidepressant drugs at a rate
twice the national average. Why? It may have to do with Mormon culture,
which is a dominant influence in the state. The argument goes that
church members feel they have to be perfect and act happy no matter
what’s bothering them. If this is an accurate assessment, the
antidepressant glut in Utah may soon abate. That’s because Geminis
living there (and all over the world, for that matter) will just
naturally be finding new ways to feel good by acknowledging and dealing
with the imperfections in their lives. Remember how Salvador Dali said
he didn’t need to take drugs because he was a drug? Well, I
believe you will, in effect, be a natural antidepressant. You’ll have a
talent for seeing interesting beauty in every situation, even difficult
ones.
Is that right? Yeah, so much beauty in my present situation. Lemme tell you how beautiful it is. Every morning I wake up to the sound of Don, hacking up the kind of phlem only a 65 year old lifetime smoker could produce. For those of you who smoke, take heed, this is your future.
And I have an infection. A really weird infection. On just the right side of my face. My sinuses are tingling and dripping, my eye is itching and watering, my ear is aching and blocked up, my gums are tender, my throat hurts, my glands are swollen, and even the skin of my face is tender and raw feeling. All on the right side. I feel like I got bashed in the face with a really big stick. So beautiful.
I love the conclusion my hyperbolic mother comes to: “You’re having a stroke, it sounds just like when I had my stroke.” And then she proceeds to describe her stroke, which of course sounds nothing like my symptoms.
And despite the fact that I’m having a stroke, rather than taking me to the hospital, she asks if I want to go out for Chinese (food, not people). Like me, she craves Chinese food now and again, but can’t eat it when Don, hater of all things foreign or rice-related, is around. So we went for Chinese, where a statue of a golden pig was displayed prominently. Add another pig to the pig synchronicity pile, though really, it isn’t so unusual to find a Chinese astrological image in a Chinese restaurant. But still, it counts. Its a fire pig.
Damn, now I have that stupid song stuck in my head. And it isn’t time for Lost yet.
I’ll bet it sucks.
Technorati Tags: Lost TV, Fire Pig, hyperbolic moms, don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Buy me a beer!
If you enjoyed this article please with your favourite bookmarking tool, or donate to assist with site maintenence and to keep tarot readings free. Thanks!
Email this post to a friend
910 Views
Recently:
- Story a Day: Beggars Would Ride
- Story a Day: Born Into Light
- Story a Day: Deep Fried Moose
- Story A Day: Roscoe Falls Reflections
- Story A Day, or Thereabouts
- Happy Birthday Bas!
- Night: not just for sleeping anymore.
- Lads of the Legion
- The quality of light at sunset.
- Ladies of the Legion II
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Don’t cha?
I know that you probably hate that song, but as a gay man I am required to love it. REQUIRED!
Now, I’ll go to sleep thinking
Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don’t cha?
It was not a great day today, but the Pussycat Dolls will make me go to bed happy.
[...] On And yet she does by Richard the Previous: Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me… [...]
You ARE right. I hate that song.
I know you\’re gay an\’all, but thats no excuse for such an extreme lack of taste. I know of many gay men who would hate that song.
John Balance would hate it. William S Burroughs would hate it. Oscar Wilde… would probably like it actually. But Jean Genet would hate it. Do you think Allen Ginsberg would like it? No I think not! Can you picture the Emperor Hadrian prancing around to that cookie-cutter beat and those insipid lyrics? NO! I say, NO!
Blame it on musical retardation (you\’ve always admitted to having a mental block toward music). Blame it on the \’sticky\’ factor. It IS a sticky song. Or blame it on cultural associations. Whatever.
Just don\’t blame it on your gayness.
Goddam, I still have that song in my head. I don’t know whether to blame you, KK or mysen.
And worse, I have the image of a prancing Emperor Hadrian in my head accompanying the tune. I can only blame that one on me.
Oh my! I’m steering clear of the music debate, but more importantly, what’s the deal with your rash, Che? How do you feel now? Have you ever had the chicken pox? If it’s shingles, you must have it taken care of immediately, particularly if it’s herpes zoster opthalmicus… (yes, that means herpes in your eye); that one is actually quite serious.
Then again, it could be a simpler bacterial or viral infection, not that they’re to be trifled with these days. If the rash gets worse or appears in “bands” or you get stabbing pains in your eye, for gods’ sake, get thee to an ER for treatment immediately! Shingles is sometimes mistaken for a stroke by the unitiated. It happened to my grandmother last year. She thought it was a stroke too. I am praying (as it were) your problem is something simpler and NOT shingles… that goes away immediately!
Could just be sinusitis from an allergy or virus and the rash is something else or an additional allergy. These disorders, while annoying, are nothing like shingles, so they’re the preferred malady in this case! My fingers are crossed…
“Don’cha wish your kittie was cute like Bea.” I love it!
And herein lies the difference between Mojo and Richard the Previous, both gay men, living a life together, sharing many things in common including a view on the world and the way it works.
But there are differences.
Che writes of two thing — the EXCELLENT Pussy Cat Dolls song, and some rash that may be killing her. I completely ignore the rash that may be killing her because I didn’t cause it and can’t do anything about. And besides, there is that freaking fabulous Pussy Cat Dolls song to keep singing round and round in my head.
Mojo ignores the Pussy Cat Dolls (but don’t let him fool you — like the Emperor Hadrian, he has been known to prance around dancing to it) and immediately fixates on the various possible causes of the rash, making sure Che knows the intracacies of what may be killing her.
He would make an excellent Doctor — but a crappy nurse. He’ll diagnose you and tell you how to get well, but you’re on your own for fighting the disease. He has other important diagnoses to make!
I like that in a man.
Don’t cha wish your boyfriend was smart like mine?
Don’t cha?
I also am intrigued by the idea of what gay men would like and dislike “Don’t cha?” I agree with most of what you’ve written — but I met Allen Ginsberg, and I have a feeling he would like it if some hot young guys were dancing to it. But I think he’d like any song with that accompaniment.
And Oscar Wilde would completely love it.
Sir Ian McKellen would probably love it.
Michel Foucoult would start talking about the representations of the song in the discourse of unequal power representations through the performance of. . . at which point I would lose interest and go seek out Oscar Wilde and Sir Ian McKellen.
Roy Cohn would love it, would dress up and lip sync to it, and would arrest you and ruin your life if you did the same.
If some hot young guys were dancing to it, I’m sure my entire list would love it. And if Antoninus were dancing to it, I’m sure the Emperor Hadrian would love it.
He built that wall, ya know.
Pussy Cat Dolls! This is the name of the musical (and I use the term loosely) group that sings that atrocity? Its just gets worse and worse.
And thank you Mojo for pointing out lethal nature of my affliction, but really, I think its bacterial. Bacteria and I, we have a long and interesting history together, and we’ve come to an agreement. It doesn’t try to kill me, and I won’t try to kill it. Though I lied on that one. Anyway, my home remedies seem to be working (herbal teas, homeopathic ear-drops, calcium combined with melatonin as an immune booster, and some purloined anti-biotics). I’m not in near as much pain as I was yesterday, and I can now see out of my right eye, which is good because its my good eye and if I can’t see out of my right eye, I pretty much can’t see.
Pussy Cat Dolls. tsk tsk.
And for those of you who point out that antibiotics are not a home remedy, I say Bah! I got it from my home, didn’t I?
The Pussy Cat Dolls are a former Burlesque Dance Troup that now sing fabulous music.
I think I also like thinking that strippers could make it big!
How now Che? Che the Stronger? Fallen victim in the end to a bug?
I hope that impressive list of drugs do the job! We can’t have an ill Madre Domo in here!
And i’d never would have guessed anyone would have been able to make a puritan out of you, Che!!! I think KK will be testing more songs on you soon… kids know when they’ve struck a chord.
Oh its not puritanism. I just don’t want KK growing up to think she has to be a sex-obsessed doormat who is catty toward other women.
Well folks, we’re having tornadoes. Gotta go.
But those are the values that every gay man adores!
Well, at least the ones I dated in Georgia.
And speaking of Georgia, you be careful in those tornadoes. Do what we always did–get in the tin and pull a mattress over you. There’s absolutely no way to hold on to that mattress once the tornado comes, but it gives you something to focus on.
Damn BlackBerry! Get in the TUB not the tin. It would be exceptionally difficult to get in a tin.
Well I’m not going to pile into the tub with Mom, KK and Don. That sounds like about the least amount of fun imaginable. The only thing that could make it worse would be listening to the Pussy Cat Dolls.
No the only thing that could make it worse would be being in a tin instead of a tub.
Well the storms were a bit on the horrific side, but mostly on the north side of town. I think we had one fatality in the area, some trees downed and buildings damaged. When things like this actually miss me I get surprised.
We did actually have to gather the cats and cram ourselves into the hallway for a little while. I spent some time on the back porch but KK got upset that I was outside during tornady weather. But I figure god ain’t gunnin’ fer me. He’s gunnin’ fer my stuff.
I am glad to hear that you and the cats, and KK, and your mom and even old Viet Nam Hating Don made it through okay. I saw that the weather said tornado watch until 7 and 9 — both at the same time — in the area. I hope my parents and sister avoided bad weather where they were.
We did the tub thing when we were very little. It was scary, but at the same time comforting — and for all those wondering, we did not fill the tub up with water first, and we got in fully clothed. Now that would be idiotic, getting nekid in the tub submerging yourself underwater and putting a mattress on top while you waited for the tornadoes to come.
Ohh no.. That season again.. I just switched on the news here and heard about Alabama and Mississippi being struck.
Glad you’re ok.
And even a Ocmulgee flood warning near Macon now…
Bas, lets cut the flood talk. I went through the flood of 94. Lost my kitchen in that one. Now you may be wondering how one loses one’s kitchen, and only one’s kitchen, in a flood. Well we’d gone days without electricity, even more days without gas, and weeks without running water and indoor plumbing. On the day that all the horror of disposing one’s bodily waste in the most creative ways, and getting drinking water and food-stamps from FEMA (in the days when FEMA actually ran pretty well), finally ended, and the water came back on, my upstairs neighbor turned on the dishwasher. Which she was instructed NOT to do for 24 hours after resumption of water-flow. Her pipes burst, our ceiling caved and our kitchen was destroyed. And this was all AFTER the flood had receded and utilities restored.
In those days I lived a block away from the Ocmulgee, and the waters were in my backyard. eek.
R the P, it wasn’t a tornado watch, it was a warning. we had tornadoes spotted, and emergency sirens going off and all sorts of crap. I’m glad your family didn’t see too much of the action. Oddly enough, I’m not afraid of tornadoes.
Hurricanes on the other hand.
By the way, that post means I’m still here. Tornadies didn’t git me.
Glad you’re OK, Che!
Thanks Mojo. Me too!
Cleto has been awful since the storms. He hasn’t slept at all. He kept me up all night ripping around the room. Today he won’t sleep, he’s restless, he goes out of his way to annoy the Bea. He must’ve been really spooked.
I need to update the blog, but can’t think of anything to write about. Suggestions?
Hmmmmmm. A chance to take the reigns! A chance to control the original topic of conversation in the Shattered Prayer!
The power!
The power!
Nope. Not a clue.
Yeah, I’m a big creative zero here…
Let’s try to out-do Rob on his horrorscope..
Mmm.. Gemini..
Recent research shows that rooftiles, when placed up side down on a roof have a significant impact on the wellbeing of the occupants of the house. Furthermore it is a well known fact that rooftiles are almost exclusively placed with the outward face up.
As is a propensity with Gemini to always face the forces of nature head on. At times Gemini should call on their powerful duality and go against the grain.
Show nature your ass…
It’s in fact very difficult to even get close to Rob…
Maybe you could do a survival list?! What do i need in case of survival. Mmm.. Candles, blankets, books, booz, friends, music… ehh.. no that’s a party…
Bas, was that your Rob-impression? I think you out-did him. You should have your own horoscope column.
And your survival list sounds like the typical New Orleanian survival list. In fact, it was how I sat out Ivan.
Well, when in doubt about what to write, write about Google. I thought about writing about the lunar eclipse, but I’m not going to watch it. I’ll just look at pictures of it on the internet the next day. Too many pecan trees in this area obscuring the view - I’ll never see it.
Lunar eclipse? Oh wow! I wonder if i am able to see that here! I think it’s well localized.. When is that due?
Ohh.. NOW!
Let’s see if this works…
Grrr…
Can’t do images here!
Load this!
http://www.poesboes.com/Lunar_Eclipse.jpg
You guys have a MUCH better view over there. You got the entire eclipse, whereas we only got the totality and the last half.
But I see you know that! Great pic!!
Bas, it is definitely NOT that my mind is in the gutter, but that lunar eclipse looks a little naughty.
Thematic Apperception Test anyone?
Ok i moved.. Hey, but it’s funky looking isn’t it? It’s just like it’s evaporating or something.
I’ve just used it in a design for a cover of the Tahitimas song. The song sparked some interest on MySpace, so i’ll make it a proper little release!
Alright! Tahitimas hits the big-time!