The Shattered Prayer

I’ve written about this before but I just have to reiterate. Please, journalists. You aren’t being clever. Stop it. Now.

As most of my four readers know, I also run the Noumenal News, which collects weird, paranormal, occult and religious news from around the world and, for the convenience of my readers (and for the sake of my own curiosity), is published each day in one place. And every day, I see a lotta weird news.

So all you reporters out there. Stop the cliches. Do you know how many headlines I see each day that paraphrase the title of the movie ‘Apocalypse Now’? Just today, three articles called ‘Apocalypse Soon’, one called ‘Apocalypse Never’, and a couple entitled, ‘Apocalypse When?’.

And its not just today. Its every day.

When writing about ghost-hunts, at least three out of ten journalists use the phrase ‘Who ya’ gon’ call?’ in their title. It was clever in the 80s. It is not clever now. Then there’s the lesser used but just as annoying ‘Things that go bump in the night!’.

Then there are the UFO stories. “Its a bird! Its a plane! Its a….”. Are you reporters on crack? You must be, to think you’re being at all funny or original here.

And don’t get me started on miracles. A football win is not a miracle (unless we’re talking the Saints here). A new baby - not a miracle (but call me if its a virgin birth). Water to wine I might consider a miracle, especially if its in my immediate vicinity. Walking on water. I’ll put that fairly high on the miracle scale. Rising from the dead. Miracle. Or maybe a vampire. Could go either way. But lets just tone down the hyperbole and stop calling non-miracles miracles, ‘kay?

Alright, rant over.

The other night, Don asked me to give him a psychic reading. Now, never mind I do tarot (not psychic) readings all damn day long for a mere pittance because my clients are all cheap bastards. But now Don wants one during my rare and miniscule off time. I asked him what he wanted to know. He said “My future”.

Don Don Don. That don’t take no psychic. Your future consists of going to work, coming home, drinking beer, complaining about the food, and going to bed.

Though last night he did surprise me by eating the dreaded grain: rice. Its a miracle!

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