Loading ...I’m dubious about ole Rob, since he could’ve warned me about the impending snit. Rise in melancholic humours. Otherwise known as ‘that which cannot be named’. But I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, especially since he was having to speak of about half a billion Gemini’s worldwide. I’m thinking he can’t get us all right.
So on with Rob. None of us are Aries but I just love the origin of the Aries horoscope. It begins:
“If you hold your dreams too tightly, you’ll crush their little ribs,” was the message scrawled on the wall of a public restroom I visited today. I immediately recognized that as excellent advice for you.
He immediately recognized that as excellent advice for you, Aries, while his face was pressed up against the bathroom proverb, his sweat and drool slowly eradicating the words as he wondered, how am I ever going to finish my column this week, if I keep cruising these public toilets? I know…. I’ll just get material for my column FROM the public toilets.
My horoscope this week reads thusly:
In the quest for enlightenment, no experience is irrelevant. Meditating for days in a mountaintop sanctuary may work well for some seekers, while others are more likely to uncover hidden truths about the nature of reality as they microwave a burrito in a convenience store or play soccer in the living room with their drunk friends, using a rolled up pair of socks as the ball. Even if your spiritual search usually fits the first description, Gemini, I suspect it will more closely match the second in the coming weeks. The secrets of the Divine Wow are primed to reveal themselves to you in the midst of everyday chaos.
A Divine Wow I could use, but frankly, I can do without the everyday chaos. Why is it he always assumes us Geminis are seeking enlightenment? Sometimes, we’re just seeking doughnuts and coffee.
Bas (about whom I had a very weird dream last night) has this horoscope:
On December 10 last year, 36,000 couples got married in Delhi, India. The mad rush to the altar was prompted by Vedic astrologers, who decreed that day to be an auspicious time to wed. I don’t know enough about the Vedic system to judge whether its practitioners would also regard the coming weeks as propitious for ritual unions. But my reading of the omens says that from the perspective of Western astrology, it’s very favorable for you Libras. If you’ve been thinking about deepening your commitment to a trustworthy partner, you’ve got cosmic mojo on your side–not just for romantic mergers, but also for business deals, artistic agreements, mutual oaths, and just about any splashy adventures in togetherness.
Ever notice Libras always have good horoscopes. Everything rosy, they’re sniffing the daisies and shitting gold. I was raised by Libras. Some people are lucky enough to be raised by wolves, I was raised by Libras. I know they are not like Rob portrays them.
Mojo gets advice about his fussretation:
Poet Kay Ryan told the Christian Science Monitor that her poems often begin “the way an oyster does, with an aggravation.” Her ultimate intention, however, is to liberate her readers. “I like to think of all good poetry as providing more oxygen into the atmosphere; it just makes it easier to breathe.” I believe this progression from aggravation to liberation is a strategy you could profitably pursue in the coming days, Sagittarius. If you agree to absorb what’s bugging you, you’ll ultimately create an expansive new swath of breathing room for yourself and everyone around you.
I’m not sure I’d trust the advice of a horoscope that mentions the Christian Science Monitor in its first sentence, but I do wish you the best with your fussretating. And wasn’t your horoscope about poetry last week, too? And you don’t even like poetry.
R the P:
According to the macrobiotic approach to diet, the healthiest food for you to eat is that which has been grown near you, or at least in the same latitude. Unless you live in the tropics, for instance, bananas shouldn’t be on your menu. Let’s make that meme your Metaphor of the Week, Aquarius. According to my interpretation of the omens, all your best bets will be local and homegrown. You should pluck pleasures that are close by, and avoid temptations beckoning from a distance. You should trust clues that arrive from sources you can personally verify, and be skeptical of those from friends of friends of friends.
Well Richard, I’m as homegrown as it gets as far as your roots are concerned, so listen to me. Write a book. If you do it, I’ll do it. Don’t be responsible for my failure. Heh.
And for Shelley:
Summing up his ongoing attempts to understand the truth about reality, San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll wrote, “I am grasping one hair at the end of the tail of a very large tiger, whose exact nature and intentions are not known to me, nor will they ever be. I can only hope to describe a few things about the hair. And I could be wrong.” While this is in general an apt description of the quest most of us are on, I think it’s overly modest in light of your current astrological omens. For the foreseeable future, Pisces, I bet you’ll have the tiger’s entire tail in your clutches, and your ability to extrapolate from it to surmise the nature of the whole tiger will be extraordinary.
I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like Shelley’s gonna figure it out for us, so when you do, Shelley, clue us in a bit.
Buy me a beer!
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Comments
This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 25th, 2007 at 9:55 am and is filed under mystical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Shelley, you win this week… What on earth is Rob on about..
He, he… I’m in Che’s weird dreams. Yek, yek, yek… It had better been weird
And i read something about Mars and Venus having it on this week. Being ’squared to oneother’ according to tarot.com. Dunno what that means though..
I’m off!! Concert again! Zion Train!
Yeah I think Shelley wins this week. Tiger by the tail an’ all. Me, I’m just seeking enlightenment….. again.
I’ve been doing inanity all day at work. Then I had to go to an office party for our outgoing Director. Yeesh! You’d think these people built the freaking pyramids. Of all the self-congratulatory rubbish!
And it has been keeping me from the new improved that which can’t be named free Shattered Prayer!
And all hail Shelley! The best Robcast and always coming through when she’s most needed! Yay Shelley!
And yay for Shattered Prayer for being free of that which cannot be named.
Now that we’re free of it can it be named? Probably not, because we would not be free of it then! It would be here! And named no less!
No one commented that Bas will be helped by a cosmic Mojo! Didn’t know Mojo was going to the Netherlands to help Bas, but I’m going with him if he does!
Well if Mojo is going to the Netherlands, then he damned well better take us with’im.
No, I don’t think we should name that which cannot be named. Sounds like it’d be bad luck.
Hear that Bas and Cosmic Mojo? Che and I are going to the Netherlands!
With cosmic Mojo.
I’m packing the cosmic mothership right now. Get your butts ready for the Netherlands. We’re moving to the EU where things make a hell of a lot more sense than here (I’m just sayin’…
!
There will be the issue of the language barrier, but that is easily remedied. Then again, Americans and Brits have some communications issues, so Dutch may be more challenging. For instance, there is the story of the British women who came to N.O. and went to a spicy food restaurant. There on the table was bottle of local hot sauce called ‘Hot Fanny Sauce’. They left without ordering, much to the confusion of the wait staff.
We will have a few challenges, but I’m ready to go, right frakkin’ NOW!
Cosmic Mojo! Well.. the stars are burning close to home!
Hey, but everybody in the Netherlands thinks they can speak English! But in the end it is often marked as ‘Dunglish’
I now a woman who recently did here thesis on the very subject. Dunglish is a hoot!!
There are even books on it.
How about this one:
“I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And from my wife’s bottom.”
University lectures these days more and more are supposed to be presented in English here.
Just got that book out..
“I hate you heartely welcome!” (Ik heet U allen hartelijk welkom. It’s my pleasure to greet you all..)
I hate you heartely welcome!
Now I know what to say when I visit down South.
We’ve had Franglais, even Spanglish, and now Dunglish!
I love how the French refuse to call it Frenglish. No! It is Franglais!
I hate you heartely welcome!
I should start every post with that.
I toyed with the idea of starting my next post with a phrase I wrote to Mojo in an email:
You know, I thought about making SP a private club, but if I did that, other people wouldn’t see how hilarious and smart we are. And we need people to know that so that our existence is validated by their laughter and envy.
Franglais! Bah!
I’m all for a post starting with that! People do need to know how funny we are.
And they need to know that we hate them heartely welcome!
When I first saw the phrase “I hate you heartely welcome”, I thought you and Bas were saying welcome to a commenter calling himself ‘I hate you heartely’. And I scrolled up to see if some troll or flamer had left a trollesque or flaming comment, but there was no one. And the whole time I was wondering, “who uses a screen name like I hate you heartely?”
Then I went back and read your and Bas’ comments more thoroughly.
That would be great! Some disgruntled ex-lover of Mariet Hartley stops by the Shattered Prayer to talk about fruit alcohol drinks and reiterate the hatred of that Hartley!
Well there is a Tiger’s tail that I’ve been trying to grab so maybe it means I’ll be getting some in the near future.
For Fuck’s sake isn’t about time?
All the books say that a Pisces girlfish is a great one to have but ain’t nobody been having me! ha ha
Or maybe it’s just about getting somewhere on my novel… that’s probably it!
Think I need a blender drink…
Oh and I hate you heartely welcome!
Well my friends… it seems you’re all really sitting good in your skin!
I’m completely chewed out. We’ll have to have a little under us later!!!!
Hey Shelley! Pisces girlfish… *smiling*
Way to grab that tiger, Shelley - I’m glad somebody’s gettin’ some tail around here.