Loading ...I saved my then-boyfriend from drowning. He was naked too.
I sang “I will always love you” on the roof of a friends house. I didn’t know the words, but no one noticed.
I was a member of the Lake Wildwood Midnight Buck-naked Long-distance Swim Team. We swam long distances. In the nude. (Drowning boyfriend, whom I saved, was trying to prove that he could do the same. He couldn’t.)
I went to a nudist camp-out at a lake. When strangers approached and asked why we were naked, we said we were making a porno film.
I swam in river-rapids in the dead of winter. In fact I’ve done so much nude swimming, its kind of redundant. So I’ll only name the swims that really stand out. And speaking of standing out, my nipples were doing just that when I got out of that freezing cold water.
I staged an impromptu Satanic ritual with my then fuck-buddy, because his girlfriend caught us doing fuck-buddy things, and to cover his tracks, he told her it was a Satanic rite. (one of the more creative excuses for infidelity I’ve ever heard)
I went on a nude, stoned canoe trip with a bunch of nekkid hippies.
I posed nude for an art class. (I also once posed fully clothed for an art-photographer, who was a really really weird and creepy guy. I felt far more creeped out fully clothed in front of this guy, than I did naked in front of a bunch of art students.)
Yeah, I’ve been to a few sky-clad rituals.
Played strip “Old maid” because we didn’t have a regular deck of cards, just a deck of “Old Maid” cards.
Stopped traffic. Literally. (as part of a truth or dare game)
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Friday, May 25th, 2007 at 12:46 pm and is filed under criminal, phenomenal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Wow, that’s awesome! I went skinny dipping once in college, but I was so drunk I can’t recall the specifics. Swimming while very drunk is also probably a very bad idea.
Uh… pathetically, that’s probably about it. I come from a long line of prudes, unfortunately. Now that I don’t care about being nude as much, I have a body that would, literally, stop traffic out of sheer horror. Always a dollar short and a day late (sigh).
Great excuse for cheating from your previous fuck buddy, BTW!
Ah, but Mojo when we first met, your body would have stopped traffic. It was HOT!
And so was mine.
And so was Che’s.
But now we’re all older and fatter.
I once played strip Scruples. Remember that game? Cards had little “moral dilemmas” and you had to say how you would handle them. People could vote and say that they thought you were lying (little card with a pitchfork) or telling the truth (little card with a halo). I forget what caused you to lose your clothing.
Eventually we all got naked and spent the rest of the evening that way. Only at morning’s light did everyone race to put their clothes on and get out the door.
My boyfriend at the time (Steve) was furious at me because I was hanging around James. Hey, I’d seen Steve nude, but had never seen James nude. When Steve made a fuss then James got so squeamish and said it was inappropriate I was not with Steve more.
Sigh. Is it any wonder I didn’t hang out with these people long?
The campus gossip played the game with us to and then rushed out the next day to tell everyone I was gay, all the while remaining in the closet for a few months more himself.
Of course, the campus already knew I was gay.
Who didn’t?
By the way, I didn’t have sex with James. I stood NEXT TO HIM IN A ROOM FULL OF NAKED PEOPLE!
Well the excuse probably worked only because the former fuck-buddy was actually a Satanist. It might not have worked for anyone else. But it was a lot better than some of the excuses I heard from the former spouse. “It just happened”. Lame.
I have been nude on far more occasions than just these, but these are the ones I could think of on a moment’s notice. My memory is a bit muddled right now, as I am on drugs. Not even good drugs, but a pain-pill for a pinched nerve in my shoulder. “Fuzzy” drugs, but not mind-blowing.
Swimming drunk is not a good idea. My then-boyfriend and I were both drunk when he nearly drowned. We were swimming across Lake Juliette and back (its a big lake). We made it across just fine, but on the way back, alcohol and exhaustion began to take its toll. I remember being so tired I thought, “Oh fuck it I’ll just drown”. About the time I thought that, my fella started having some serious problems. He was going under, he’d breathed in some water, was cramping and on the verge of passing out. It was weird that I was quite happy to drown in that drunken moment, rather than swim all the way back to shore, but I just couldn’t let another person drown, so I grabbed his skinny, flailing, naked ass and tugged him all the way back to shore.
And the stopping traffic thing. Ha, that was a funny one. On a dare a friend and I had to go out into the street nude, stop the next car that came by, and either tell a story or sing a song to the occupants of said car. The funny thing is, someone really did stop for us, and sat and politely listened to everything we had to say.
I didn’t do a lot of “just sitting around being nude” type of things. It was a lot more of “let’s all get nude and have some sex” type of things.
That very boyfriend of yours that you saved from drowning in Lake Juliette pulled down his pants, exposing his penis, and sang a song to me the first time I met him.
We were all sitting on a porch at the time.
I forget the song.
He did? I don’t think he did. That doesn’t sound like Ross at all.
The first time you met Ross was in Hell, not on your front porch.
We were at some after party for a play or something or other. It was just after all you were spending all of your time naked and I was living in Atlanta, I believe.
Someone dared him to pull down his pants and sing a song, and he did.
Hmmm… that must’ve been before he because such an uptight workaholic prick. I sometimes forget he was a lot of fun when we first met. But still, the first time you met him was in Hell, one of the few times you accompannied me there.
That was Ross, right?
Not Raymond, who I met in Hell, and with whose friend I made out in the bathroom because you and Raymond through us out of the bedroom while you two got in on.
OMG. I meant THREW us out of the bedroom.
I also meant got IT on.
My brain is fried from writing reports
I meant ‘before he became such an uptight prick’, but I’m a bit high right now so…
My mom’s high too. We’ve been laughing at each other all day because we’re acting like a couple of dumbasses.
That traffic stopping story is hilarious!
But I have to say that when you said you thought “Oh fuck it I’ll just drown”, I laughed out loud (at work no less!). I thought the same thing a couple of times when I’ve had a few before swimming (which I did regularly about 12 years ago). Funny, that - in both senses of the word.
I understand the pinched shoulder nerve. I have something similar. I particularly like the painful shoulder with a numb hand. Nice. Hope it gets better.
no, I met raymond in Hell, you met him somewhere else. You met Ross in hell. We had gone to Hell that night to hook up with Anthony, and I told you Anthony was bringing a friend. You asked if the friend was cute and I said ‘probably not’, and then Ross showed up. And was cute.
I’ve got the painful shoulder with the numb hand! Yeah its a real hoot.
At least you are high from drugs. My brain is fried from saying things like “42.34% percent of teachers favored learning basics before content while 32.23% favored the opposite.”
Is it any wonder I don’t like this profession?
Sorry, in the middle of composing that last post, I stepped out, thereby missing all the doped up chatter and typos.
Too bad I’m not doped up. I should ask my doc for some Xanax at least.
Oh! That is right.
He was cute. I was a bit disappointed to discovered he preferred the ladies. And then you guys started dating.
I think I met Raymond either at the Masquerade or over at K and L’s after the Masquerade. I do have that picture of the two of you at K & L’s in bed together.
And while he had his shirt pulled up, you were both fully clothed, making the picture not as exciting as it could be.
As exciting as say, the picture of you in between K and L on their bed.
Dead boring, R. Dear gods, how did we end up here?
My sex life is boring?
Well.. it is now but it wasn’t always.
No. He meant my profession is boring.
Dead boring.
Your sex life used to not be so boring.
I wasn’t between K and L, I was on top of them. They were nude, I wasn’t. I remember I once showed Adam some of those old pics, and I got to that one and said, “This is me on top of a couple of naked lesbians”.
Adam said, “You sounded like a tour guide when you said that - I’m imagining a bunch of Japanese tourists snapping pictures…”
Well, that was what it was like during those days.
And you are right. As I said, brain is fried. You were on top of a couple of lesbians.
Oh, I miss K & L sometimes.
I, however, was never on top of either of them.
I had a crush on L, but it was K’s tits that I played with.
Hey, I’ve got the sphinx now.
Yes, R is correct: I meant his work is boring. I’m slow on the keyboard today.
You got the sphinx, Che? Do you need an antibiotic?
No but I could use about 6 more pain pills.
Mojo, I actually laughed out loud to your antibiotic question. Caught me off guard that one.
I keep hoping to get Big Bushy Mercury.
I hear it cures the Sphinx.
According to my Bulk Mail Inbox, I can just log on to a site with my credit card and they’ll happily send me a supply of oxycodone. They didn’t mention any contact with my physician, however. Oh well, it’s email; it must be true!
I’ve got pink/grey Apollo now. But I keep hoping for Lycaon, which does nothing for the Sphinx, but what a rush.
Well I tell ya mojo, take it from someone who knows, sometimes those emails are true.
Enough mercury will cure everything! Forever. At least it will be pretty up until the delirium, spasms, and eventually, death. What? There are worse ways to go.
Glad you liked that antibiotic joke, R. I thought of you when I said it. Don’t get jealous, R, but I have Big Bushy Mercury displayed on my screen right now.
I have some pink diaphanous thing displayed. I don’t know what it is supposed to be.
And thanks for thinking of me!
Yay! I have Lycaon now!
Pink diaphanous thing? I don’t think I’d ever purposefully create something pink AND diaphanous. I wonder what it could be…
Yeah, I just got the pink diaphonous think. It’s sort of dusky rosey and less pink on my monitor. Which one is Lycaon?
I’ll Rorschach it. It it pink and blue. Pink around the edges with blue in the middle. Running up the center from lower right to top left is a pink spine like thing. Looks like a torch maybe? I don’t know. There seems to be a bas relief (Hey Bas!) of a man leaning over in the top right corner. Below him is something that could either be a very weary faerie with his arms hanging down and wings drooping, or perhaps a fossil. The faerie/fossil is in blue. The Bas relief guy is in pink.
Does that help?
Hmmmm…. I’ll have to check the pink diaphanous thing. The Lycaon is the one with Zeus cursing Lycaon, who is turning into a werewolf, and people are running away.
Oh, yeah, that’s a good one.
That could be the Demeter and Persephone, maybe. Because its from a Bas relief, not from a sculpture.
Lycaon is one of my favorite myths. I got a thing for werewolves, you know.
And pirates.
And werewolf pirates.
There seems to be a lot of wheat in the bottom, so it probably is Demeter.
And Werewolf Pirates of Penzance!
I am the very model of a modern major animal!
Grrr.
Hee hee… that was kinda witty, there, R the P.
Now I’m going to have that fucking song in my head all day.
I know. I am too.
But it was worth it!
Now I’ve got the pink diaphanous thing, which looks just like what its supposed to be to me, and not just a pink diaphanous thing. But oh well - I’m not married to it.
The hell you say! I’ll have to leave early just to be able to play the radio in the car to get it out of my head!
Hmmmm… Maybe it WAS worth it!
Leave early Mojo!
And I rather enjoyed looking at the pink diaphanous thing and Rorschaching it out. I especially like looking at my tired little faerie/fossil. I’m sure no one else sees that.
am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news –
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
I see nothing that looks like a tired little faery-fossil - but this post has made it to the most-commented posts list!
In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon†and “ravelinâ€,
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariatâ€,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
Oh, I finally got the sphinx! I like it, even if sphinxes are truly odd looking creatures.
I think I will leave early, R. Oh, and if you want, you can see Rex Smith (yes, really) in Pirates on LA’s version of ‘Broadway’… “Now through June 30th!” I see he isn’t staying long. Of course, he’s nearly my dad’s age, so I guess he has to keep the engagement short.
Tired faerie fossil, eh? Sounds like me.
For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
Mojo the Tired Faery Fossil. I like it - you needed a descriptor to rival the Previous.
Done and done!
Mojo is the model of the tired Faerie Fossilry!
Um, WOW.
You know you love it!
Yeah…
As soon as my boss leaves, I’m outta here! I have to get that song out of my head!
The sad thing is, I’ve never seen that show, real or otherwise, and yet I’ve heard that song several times. Odd.
This post is now officially the MOST COMMENTED post ever! And we did it all in one day!
Hooray for the post!
Hooray for leaving early!
Hooray for Rex Smith!
Well… maybe not that last one…
I would hate to be the actor having to learn all those lines and rhymes and at that pace, too. Plus, after the fourth or fifth show, it would probably drive you crazy!
I said ‘Hooray!”
Now cheer
HA! The superpost from hell. Ever notice that the big posts tend to be about nudity or holidays or what’s in your vagina? Hmmm… I’m seeing a pattern here: Sex and fun or both together or maybe just voyeurism. Makes sense to me.
I don’t know - that blender recipes post did pretty well. But yes, nudity + fun = many comments. I’ll keep that in mind for future posts.
Nude holiday vagina stuffing revelry for everyone!
Yay!
On that note…
I have to read back over my stupid Report on Teacher Beliefs and Practices.
Not nearly as much fun as nude holiday revelry.
But I guess all good posts come to an end.
Oh no! Shame on me for forgetting my dear friend, Blender. Sorry, Blender. You are also popular and very important. Just wanted Blender to know.
Yes, on that note, R., I am leaving! (Boss just left so I’m in the clear!)
Great post and comments! Oh, and superb song too.
Is there any way that every single poster gets their own little background color?
Or do just administrators get that?
See you when you get home, Mojo!
And I’ll see Che on Jersey Devil Day.
Good Lord, RtP, such boring stuff. At least I get to program SAS which sounds much more interesting that what you’re doing! But I’m not doing that now. I’m leaving now. Bye!
Well I’ll catch ya’ll later! Time to cook dinner.
Twas fun!
If you were members of the site, I could assign you each your own color. But you aren’t, though I have offered memberships in the past.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s;
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’ uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!
Hmm. I see. Temptation re-enters the joining of SP.
Whereas nothing could get me to do it before, the chance of my own color tempts me!
I guess I better stop posting and say, “Great post, all!”
Ha ha!
And as a fitting end to this post, I just got a google ad for “Naked Vacation!”
Alas, Bas and Shelley never chimed in with things they’ve done in the nude.
Like I said, so many of my “in the nude” things involved sex.
I once climbed an ROTC Repelling Tower in the nude, but only to have sex on top of it.
Same with a Press box in a football stadium.
And the steps of David’s church.
It always made me feel good that when he left me for the church again, he had to walk up those steps thinking “Richard and I had sex right there.”
There have been many times I’ve been naked just for the enjoyment of being naked. Nudity is pleasurable, whether or not it involves sex. Its especially nice to be naked in nature, unless you’re being bitten by mosquitos or fish, or its freezing cold outside. I also imagine it wouldn’t be pleasurable to be naked in a tornado, hurricane or volcano. Or mudslide. Or avalanche. But those things aren’t pleasurable when you’re dressed either.
Good points, all, Che. Agreed re Nature. When you’re out immersed in it, it seems to call for the removal of clothes. To me, at least.
About those colors and memberships… What do we do to get our colors and memberships? Must have membership to SP!
You know, I ought to deny membership to every damned one of you. You didn’t want to join in order to make a bigger contribution to SP, but hey - if it means getting your own color. Sign me up!
Yes, you would have to join SP, then I would have to adjust the CSS to assign you a particular comment color for when you commented. I do believe you can sign up by clicking on the log-in link in the footer.
I blame the gay gene. We like pretty things. Work is hard, but pretty things - sign me up!
Ah, I see. Well, it’s no rush obviously, to assign us colors. Not sure how this CSS stuff works but obviously I’ll leave that to you. I think RtP and I were thinking that if we were contributing members that we would have to know something about HTML or XML or summat. Obviously, that’s not in our purview. I suppose we could use Word or somesuch app to do the coding for us if need be. I guess…
That login link just gives me a place to login with no option to sign up. Do I already have a login that I’ve forgotten (add it to the list)?
“Oh wait… being a member means I might have to… DO something… oh forget it then”.
No, it doesn’t mean you need to know any code. Thank heavens, because if it did, I could never let R the P near the blog.
Let me see if I can get you that sign-up link.
okay, so what color do you want?(don’t forget you have to be logged in for the color to show). Pink to go with those gay jeans… uh… genes? Anyway, it has to be pale so that text can show so don’t be saying ultramarine or forest green.
Uh, I don’t know what color. I trust your judgment, so whatever you think is fine with me…
Well, you didn’t log in to make that comment, so we’ll never know if it worked, will we?
Do I have login info? It asks for an email addy which I can provide, but do I have a password?
Well yeah… I sent one to your mailbox
Hmmm… It hasn’t shown up in my Inbox yet.
Well, I just resent - might’ve been a thing. You never know… somethings… things just… do stuff. (Thats technical talk, you know).
I meant that I re-sent. Not that I resent.
at one point there, i was completely following the conversation while another part of my mind recognized that i had no fucking clue what you were all on about.
but that’s not what i wanted to say.
i wanted to say, “oooo, i can has colors?” and, more covetously, i need “Nude holiday vagina stuffing revelry for everyone!” on a t-shirt posthaste. quicker than that. yesterday.
…possibly in hot pink.
I think some of our Shattered Prayerisms really should go on a t-shirt.
We’re harmless. Really we are. Except maybe me. And possibly Mojo.
But we’re at a fairly safe distance so if we go into one of our frenzies, say, of trying to stuff as many Greeks as we can into a chocolate bunny, or say, playing our head-punching for cake game, you’ll be well out of the danger zone. If, however, you ever come to one of our parties, wear protective gear, preferably of a kind that is easily cleaned.
And if you happen to like Greek-filled chocolate bunnies (or chocolate-covered Greeks) then damn, woman, you’ll fit right in!
i wuzn’t skeered.
chocolate covered greeks? hell, i’ll bring the cherries.
[...] is, someone really did … on Teacher Beliefs and Practices. Not nearly as much fun as nude …http://shatteredprayer.com/258/some-stuff-ive-done-in-the-nude/Part 6 of They Are A-OKPart 6 of They Are A-OK April 26th, 2008 Summer came and brought new [...]