Loading ...THOU still unlavish’d brine of queerness,
Thou poster-child of Violence and grown Lime,
Silver hysteric, who canst thus express
A flowing tail more weeklly than old slime:
What lean-felched legend haunts about thy grape
Of dainties or morals, or of borg,
In Testes or the danes in the arcade?
What men or dogs are there? What maiden sluts?
What bad purses? What buggles to unscare?
What piles and bumbles? What mild acridy?
Hard maladies ale sweat, but stone unheart
old sweater; earfone, yo sift piles, flay and
Not to the cereal air, but, more undead,
Piss to the spiral titties of no phone:
Fat mouth, beseech the knees, though heads not heave
Thy wong, nor even can shoes feet be bare;
Bowled over, never, never canst thou piss,
Through running fear the jail—yet, do not groove;
She canned face, though thou mist not thy gross,
Foot even smelt shoe-love, and she be far!
Ah, hippy, hippy shakes! that cannot spit
Your heaves, nor ever bit the fling adored;
And, hippy molest, unwornèd,
For even piling wangs for over nude;
More hairy love! more hairy, hairy love!
For every worm and stall to be enshoed,
Morover punting, and more very hung;
All breeding human poison mojitos,
That heaves a fart nigh-merciful and crude,
A turning foreskin, and a perching tango.
Who are there costing to the scarface?
To what greed alter a precocious breast,
Feed that heifer glowing in the sky,
And oil her slicken wanks with gormand’s dress?
What piddle torn by raver or see-shoes,
Or molten-boiled with peas-filled citi-bank,
Is emptied of its fork, this bias mold?
And, puddle towed, shy streets for every whore
Will salient be; and not a sore, to tell
Why than ere defoliant, can ear reboot.
O attic grape! beer aptitude! with brain
Of marble, sin and wardens overthought,
With moist brains and the sodden tweed;
This unsent form cost tears and out of nought
As with alacrity: Moldy Pustule!
When old ale shall this generation taste,
Thou shoes remain, in mind of other toes
Than yours, a fiend to mar, to wear blue sandal,
‘Footy is crust, crust footy,—that is all
Yo. Trod on earth, and all we feet will glow.’
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Monday, June 25th, 2007 at 4:47 pm and is filed under criminal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Piss to the spiral titties of no phone!
*ROFL*
Yeez… Those were miracle cookies! Great ode Che!
Are you sure you didn’t have brownies after all, Che? The *special* kind of brownies? Regardless, these are BlackBerryisms at their best (and then some!).
Yeah well - this ode was much harder to butcher than it looks.
“Feed the heifer glowing in the sky”.
Thats me, I’m the glowing airborne heifer. Feed me.
Che the Glowing Airborne Heifer. I have a title now, like R the P.
And yeah, be glad I didn’t have the special brownies.
Che, the GAH… Sounds ominous. But we will feed you nevertheless!
Actually, I wondered if you had a computer program do that butchering because I think it would be quite difficult to create such sensible nonsense. Hurrah for Che’s incredible powers!
Actually I didn’t have a program do it for me. I butchered ‘Grecian Urn’ all by myself, and it was hard to keep it ’sensical’. But I did try.
And my deepest, heartfelt apologies to Keats.
Ha! Brill. I thought it seemed familiar, yet not. Keats will understand. He did get a lot of play out of that one after all. Bang up job, Che!
Speaking of the special brownies, we used to mix our hash with yogurt when I lived in England. Dear god, that was awful. Hash-flavored yogurt is not good.
Mmmm… the new season of the Closer has started, and is on tonight. I realize its a rather ordinary cop show, but Kira Sedgewick is so fucking sexy. Hell if she stood there and read the phonebook for the entire hour, I’d probably still watch. (and if she did it naked, I’d tape the show and play it on a loop).
Ewww. Hash yoghurt. Blech. Brownies are a much better complement.
I’ve never watched Closer, but I do think KS is rather nice to look at. I’m glad there seems to be a decent show around her, though; I’d hate to think of you watching her just read the phone book.
Yeah, but the hash yoghurt was easy.
To make… not to swallow.
Yeah, KS has that abrasive personality that I love in women (but not in men). She reminds me of L, of K and L fame.
I know how that is… easy always seems right at the time. It’s only later that you regret it.
I never knew L or K, but R has spoken highly of L. She sounds like fun.
Yep, I had a major crush on L. But I think I’ve mentioned that before.
Oh dear, I think its time for another slice of Jersey Devil’s food cake. Which is a far cry better than Georgia skunk ape’s food cake.
Ewwwwww….
Now that you say it, KS does remind me of L of K and L fame! I may have to watch the Closer.
Sorry not to participate in the aftermath of my BlackBerry sign off, but you see, I was without my BlackBerry and could not comment!
Brilliant ode though.
And although this refers to another post, I want Bas as the official SP dietitian!
Although this has nothing to do with the BlackBerry, I was reading another Blog (not as good as this one!) call “the absorbascon.” It is a blog in which a gay comic store owner, Scipio, takes the piss out of comic books in a loving way.
Scipio, was responding to another blogger’s distaste with a recent comic. In his response, he wrote a paragraph that reminded me of one of the most boring two hours I’ve ever spent with Che.
Even worse than our mind numbing 2 hours in the car South of Atlanta with the delightful Mojo.
Scipio wrote:
But we often temper our estimation of how “bad” something is by our expectations. You expect a cheap film made quickly with a hand-held camera and improvisational acting to be bad, which is why Blair Witch Project is “brilliant”; you expect a well-funded release from master of semiotic cinematography Peter Greenaway to be good, which is why The Pillow Book is nothing short of excruciating.
Now Scipio mentions the Pillow Book, which I actually thought was okay because I got to see Young Obi Wan Kenobi’s penis over and over and over again. But when I first read the paragraph, I did that Che fill in the blank thing and substituted another Peter Greenaway film into the paragraph. I read “That is why Prospero’s Book is nothing short of excrutiating.”
Yes, Che and I went to see Prospero’s Book not knowing the torture we were getting ourselves into.
Near the end of the movie we both thought “Just put on your clothes and let us out of this theatre!”
Never has so much nudity been so off putting.
Of course, we had paid our money so we stayed to the end.
I, of course, meant the plural “Prospero’s Books.”
Pardon.
I’ve always had a soft spot for glowing airborne heifers. They’re so re-assuring. So natural.
Unlike hash spiked yogurt. That’s either a great laxative or something you treat your garden fence with against woodworm.
I’m having Country Cookies right now. It’s nothing i could ever make myself; they grow on supermarket shelves. But just the best! They pack a lot of inspiration in those.
I’m going to unscare the buggles now… You got to tell us that secret cookie recipe Che. Just went over your epic ode again… wow..
I do remember Prospero’s Books. Good Lord, that was the first time we ever wanted anyone to put their clothes ON.
Yeah, I thought Pillow Book was alright, for the same reason you did. It wasn’t GREAT, but it was bearable. My ex, however, loved it. Not sure why. Maybe for the same reason we thought it was okay.
My ex also wanted to see Prospero’s Books.
“No you don’t”, I said.
“Yes I do”, he said, “there’s naked people”.
“Yep, lots and lots of naked people”, I said, “believe me, there really IS such a thing as too much.”
“Impossible”, he said.
“Possible”.
Well folks, I have been researching all day the possibility of starting a business. I’ve totted up the start-up costs, examined the market, did some tarot readings, checked my horoscope, and I even drew up some charts and graphs and stuff and have come to the conclusion that it is doable. But every time I make a step toward solidifying my plans, I start to chicken out.
I even have a cool name for the company.
Now all I need is guts.
Here is the guts!
I say DO IT!
Unless the name sucks.
Then change the name and DO IT!
And coming from someone who has made graphs for a living, if a graph is associated with it, it has to be successful.
The name of the business is Naughty Byzantine
Well?….
The name does have a ring to it. And it is timely, and naughty.
So I say go for it!
DO IT!
What is the business?
I assume it isn’t a Mesopotamian Brothel?
Handmade botanical soaps and lotions. Maybe bath-salts too, eventually.
crappy idea? good idea? soso idea?
Well, it certainly makes the name 100% better!
I like it.
Taking a bath with a Byzantine! Who wouldn’t love that?
I still say go for it.
Okay… guess that means it sucks.
Oooops… didn’t see your reply.
I do like it. Especially the name. ANd I can imagine quite lovely packaging with your talents.
I actually intend to hire my mother to do packaging and stuff. Heh. Put her ass to work.
Yeah I’ve spent all day researching, and there’s a good market. And yeah, the packaging will be nice, but really, the soaps will be great. I mean really… luxury type stuff.
I used to makemy own soap and cleanser and lotion long ago. (and kaolin masks!). Why not take it a step further?
That is true. And living where you do, if you want to make more kaolin masks, you’ve got tons of it just sitting around the ground.
But it is a good idea. And I like getting your mother to do the packaging.
I assume it would be internet sales or would you try to get in in shops downtown? Or why not both?
Both, actually. I know KC downtown would buy some, and also that hippie herb shop may go for it (though hippies aren’t quite the niche I’m marketing towards - I sent you a sample inventory by the way). also internet, craft faires - there are actually a lot of outlets. I can do both retail and wholesale. I’m just kind of scared.
Is the name okay? If it is, I’m going to go ahead and reserve the domain. I wanted something that was intelligent, a wee bit exotic, but also quirky and risque. The name actually came from my archaeologist friend back in england. He used to work with Americans and they always used to asked him to say ‘naughty byzantine’ because they liked the way he said it. (don’t ask me why). While I was brainstorming for a name today, for some reason that one kind of hit me and I liked it.
You know, we’ve been talking about following dreams, doing what you want, not what you think will make you happy — Mojo and I are going through this big time right now, and I say that it is scary, but exciting. You should definitely do it.
Sure, it could flop, but it could also be phenomenal. And there is certainly a market. And a huge one about an hour and a half up the road.
It is well with the risk.
Well why not. It may take a while to scrape up the start-up cash, but really, the start-up costs aren’t as daunting as they could be, considering my low to no overhead. I’ll have to start small… really small… but really its time to get outta this rut. Its something I’d have fun with, can be creative with.
I agree to all the above points. Completely agree. You can be creative and make the world a cleaner, nicer smelling place. And all of those things will be wonderful!
And we’ll certainly buy a bar or two!
Yeah, you’d better buy a few bars. I think Mojo once told me he had sensitive skin, so I formulated several with just that in mind.
I think all this arose from my pimple yesterday.
Who would ever think that anyone would owe anything to a pimple!
Mojo does have sensitive skin. His beard is very curly and it is always attacking him, even though he shaves it every day. He’s the type who shaves in the morning and has a 5 o’clock shadow at noon. I can shave in the morning and have a 5 o’clock shadow three days later.
I’m more like Mojo. There must be some Greek in me. Of course, my solution is just not to shave.
Okay, I’m gonna do it, but if I end up stressed out I expect you to be there saying “Buck up!”.
And naughtybyzantine.com is just about to be mine.
I will say Buck Up! Don’t you worry!
Well, the domain is now mine. Now I gotta test some formulas and build up some inventory.
Obviously, I’ve missed much of the NB discussion, so I’ll just say that I agree that you should go for it, Che. In fact, I always liked the idea of these products and even made a few with my grandmother when I was in elementary school. Yours will surely be fancier and cleverer than my youthful creations, but this could be the start of a great business for you!
Well I hope so. All I can do is give it a go, I guess. And hell, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still end up with a lot of good soap, and will never need to buy soap again.
I do expect SPians to test my products though. I’ll add a disclaimer to my soaps, “These products were not tested on animals. They were, however, tested on unsuspecting blog-readers.”
It’s a brilliant plan Che!!! I really believe it could work!
He, he.. Make sure you have a good supply by Tahitimas. I think people would love to give and receive something special for a change.
And i know a couple of shops over here that would be glad to have it on offer.
Oeww let’s try..
Coming Soon: Naughty Byzantine Soaps and Sundries
No way back now!