Loading ...Is it more dirty talk? Or is it just Rob?
Thats right. This week I get the ole suck ‘n’ pump.
“Whatever is not an energy source is an energy sink,” writes novelist Marge Piercy. Is it really that unambiguous? Can you divide every single person, event, and institution into those that suck your vitality and those that pump you up? I think it’s usually more complicated than that. There are many things that simultaneously suck and pump. But for you right now, Gemini, I believe it is that clear-cut. Proceed accordingly. Be ruthlessly discerning in deciding what influences you invite into your sphere.
Bas will be harvesting this week:
The muskmelon is a fruit that continues to ripen after it’s picked, whereas a watermelon stops ripening the moment it’s plucked from the vine. As you enter your own personal harvest season, Libra, keep that difference in mind; it’ll be a useful metaphor. Some of the “crops” you’ve been growing all these months are like muskmelons, while others are like watermelons. Do you know which are which? Let the watermelon-like fruits of your labors stay on the vine until you’re absolutely sure they’re fully mature.
Are you a melon? Or a muskfruit? Are you sucking? Or are you pumping?
Mojo, this week Rob ripped off your horoscope from a letter from a misguided fan. He does that sometimes:
A Sagittarius reader named Sarah Morehouse sent me an announcement. “I’ve just discovered that I’m . . . ummm . . . cough . . . RULER OF THE WORLD,” she said. “Don’t panic. I’m planning to be a benign dictator. But here are two immediate changes. First: We will no longer separate reverence and amusement. Every one of us must regard humor as holy, and infuse our moments of solemn awe with giggles and snorts. Secondly: All of us are artists. That’s right: Each and every one of us is now a certified creator of smart beauty, deep spiritual meaning, and good-natured practical jokes.” Queen Sarah went on at length, but I’ll stop there so I have room to point out this truth: Of all the signs of the zodiac, you Sagittarians are in the most perfect position to embody her new laws. In the coming weeks, you should regard them as your mandate.
But more importantly, are you sucking or pumping?
Richard the Previous is revving up this week:
Consider writing an entertaining advertisement about yourself in order to attract the resources you’d like to play with. Or think about buying the domain name “showerblessingson[putyournamehere].com,” then setting up a website where the world can send you business offers, marriage proposals, free gifts, and invitations to travel. The point is, Aquarius, that the upcoming weeks will be a perfect time to get very aggressive and highly specific about asking for what you need. Rev up the fun-loving parts of your imagination.
You needn’t set up a website. Just have people send gifts here (pump, not suck). I’ll forward all marriage proposals to you. And if I receive any invitations to travel to Tahiti, I’ll make sure we’re all included.
And Shelley is weeding the garden this week:
If you’re a gardener who loves your plants, you’re merciless towards weeds. Even if you have a deep reverence for all forms of life, you don’t waver in your drive to yank out the hairy bittercress that’s crowding your tomatoes. You don’t feel twinges of guilt as you eliminate the chickweed near your squash. I advise you to use a similar approach as you nurture your little growing things in the coming days. Safeguard them from anything that would distract them from their instinctive purpose or weaken their power to become more thoroughly themselves.
Which is, again, better than homework I suppose.
Just remember, some weeds are useful. But only after they’re dead. And at this point even I tire of the pump ‘n’ suck jokes. They can only take one so far in life.
And this weeks horoscope by Rob can be found here.
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 25th, 2007 at 12:39 pm and is filed under mystical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Suck, melon, weed… weed.
Benign dictator, free trips collector, pumping… free trips.
Rob’s a confusioholic.
I think i’m going to harvest some cakes now. And as we learned cake is great anytime it has been just harvested. Carpe Cakem!
You see? Shattered Prayer IS educational. We’ve learned all about freshly harvested cake. And so many other things.
Winged underwear.
How to create the undead.
Alternative holidays.
Whats in my vagina.
Blackberry spelling idiosyncrasies.
How many Greeks fit inside a chocolate bunny.
Superheroes, their wives,and their gay lovers.
Blender recipes.
We must be the most intellectual site on the net. No wonder our membership is so small… we’re elite!
Yeah, screw you MENSA! We don’t subject our potential members to any tests. Anyone who can keep up with our witty banter is offered a seat at the table. Too bad so few are clamoring to get to our table… Or maybe it’s NOT so bad.
See just how much we’ve learned here! It’s amazing.
We have three comments and only one view? Some sort of temporal anomaly?
See…. big words. As Homer Simpson sez: I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T…
But hey, the fewer at the table, the more food for us.
Thats math.
SP rules. We easily gross a four digit IQ combined. Gross IQ needs gross subjects.
Now why have i been pressing my cursor keys for half a minute while none seem to work?
UP-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-SUCK-PUMP.. nope.
Bad key karma i guess. Or i popped my melon early going by Rob…
“I popped my melon early” is another of those word combinations that you can only see on SP.
Coming up with novel ways to use familiar words is another thing that makes us SPers (SPians?) so S-M-R-T.
You know, Homer could be an SPer. With such great observations as
Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
and
Here’s to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life’s problems.
and
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman
He could be one of us!
I believe he probably is one of us. But which….?
Who among us loves donuts?
Yeah, you’re right… he’d be right at home here.
Words of wisdom by Homer
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell?
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Um Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about uuhhh, things. Uhh… the things.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Marge, there’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
We can outsmart those dolphins. Don’t forget — we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup.
Look, the thing about my family is there’s five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn’t talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.
Homer no function beer well without.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Thats one of my favorites. Its funny… because its true.
But my favorite quote of recent days comes from Mojo: Jesus wept. Cuz we punched him in the head and took his bunny cake.
Hell I’m still laughing about that.
That’s why I married Mojo. Or would if it were legal anywhere besides Massachusettes. Or Canada. Or Spain. Or South Africa. Or The Netherlands. Or Belgium.
Hey! Two of the three countries in which regular SPers live support gay marriage!
Way to go SP!
Well as you know, Alberta is very pissed off about having that evil gay marriage forced upon them by the rest of Canada.
But thats Alberta for ya.
The rest of Canada is fine. They’ve got that big road. A few other things. Gay folks marry and they seem to smoke a lot of marijuana. Whats not to love?
Well I should get to bed. I’m in training for the blogathon. The sausage-cheese scenario (worst-kaas) is that I oversleep Saturday morning and miss the whole thing.
That’s Alberta for you. I was watching a show on TV and they were listing all these fabulous prizes that the person won and then they said, “And a fabulous week in Alberta at the . . .” and the color just drained out of the person’s face. You could see them thinking “Alberta?! What the Fuck?!”
Well, I better get to bed. Got work in the morning.
It’s better than Alberta!
A “fabulous” week in Alberta? Thats not a prize, thats a damnation! And you can’t even give it away to someone else, because then that person would feel honor-bound to go and they would hate you forever!
If I was given a choice between Alberta and Hell, I’d take Hell, because at least there are interesting people in hell.
Forgive us, Shelley, for making fun of Canada. I’m under the impression you live in one of the good parts.
Just met this lovely young Canadian woman last week. She was visiting family in the Netherlands. She looked kind of lost, so i got to speak to here.
Here house back home looks out over Niagara Falls! OK.. borderline Canadian. And i was welcome to come and stay any time.
She went on next morning to visit relatives in Greece as well.
So, now i know two lovely Canadians
(Hi Shelley!!! Wave, wave!!)
The Canadian side of Niagara falls is quite nice. The American side… not so much.
I know a couple of lovely Canadians (including the lovely Shelley). I also know a couple of not so lovely Canadians, including a breed-happy prairie woman.
Oh crap, I was supposed to email Shelley and remind her of the Blogathon. Now where did I put that email?
I don’t know much about Canada except that my boss is from there and I went to Montreal once. My boss is a bit odd, but that’s less to do with Canada and more to do with personality, IMO. I did like Montreal, though I am guessing June would have been a bit warmer than May… Still, lots of beautiful people and tons of good outdoor eating and interesting architecture. Plus, they’re (sorta) French, so they hate everyone - like me!