Loading ...I’ve been out of it for a couple of days. First it was another sleep study, during which I hardly slept, thereby invalidating the entire reason I was there. Then it was horrific cramps in my stomach. If I were a lady, I’d've thought I was having a baby, it hurt so bad. No nausea. No vomiting. No diarrhea. Just excruciating pain. And suddenly it stopped. Glad it stopped, but who knows what was happening. Maybe I did have a baby.
So what did I do when I was supposed to be sleeping? Most of the time, I lay down with a CPAP up my nose. Seven hours, unable to sleep at all. But before lights out, I was reading, actually. Getting a Ph.D. caused me to hate reading for a while, but now I’m back into it. What do I read? Of course I read comic books — Stefficus asked me to recommend good graphic novels, and I will get around to that, but I have to warn her, good is relative; I myself like the odd super-hero, but there are those who find them anathema. If Lois Lane were to have a graphic novel, I’d grab it up in a heartbeat. Especially the Kurt Schaffenberger marriage obsessed Lois of yesteryear. Just read the Satan Bride Lois Comic last night. But lately, the books I’ve been reading have taken a decidedly unexpected turn.
I’ve been reading historical non-fiction. I’m currently reading four different books: Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War by Nathaniel Philbrick; Sea of Glory: American’s Voyage of Discover, the U.S. Exploring Expedition, 1838-1842, also by Nathaniel Philbrick; Mornings on Horseback: The Story of an Extraordinary Family, a Vanished Way of Life, and the Unique Child Who Became Theodore Roosevelt, by David McCullough; and Doctor Who: The Completely Unofficial Encyclopedia by Chris Howarth & Steve Lyons. It seems harder and harder to make it through one book at a time. I
get a little antsy and must find out what is happening in another
book. Preferably in a book about seafaring, apparently.
I used to love me a good Science Fiction Romp or a lovely fantasy or two. But now it is just historical non-fiction (with some Dr. Who thrown in for good measure). There was a time when I never could have imagined reading about the fucking Pilgrims. And enjoying it! (by the way — the real reasons the Pilgrims, who had already been kicked out of England for being religious fanatics, left the Netherlands to come to the “new world”? You guess it — their kids were becoming too “Dutch” and the fanatical Pilgrims hated that. Before you knew it, their kids would be caring more about commerce than Christ! In fact, the Pilgrims hated the English for not being dour and religious enough and hated the Dutch for not being English enough! Can’t please some people). But these days, I find I MUST find out what it was like to leave the “old world” in a leaky old second rate boat and land in Provincetown! I must know! There weren’t any lesbians in Provincetown when the Pilgrims landed, though. They moved in a couple of years later. All that was there was some corn left in storage by the Native Americans. Which the Pilgrims promptly stole and high tailed it off to Plymouth.
Apparently the Pilgrims were heading for Manhattan (nice navigation
job!) and the Dutch were trying to delay their trip so that the Dutch
could reach Manhattan first. Thank The God of the Pilgrims that the
Dutch reached Manahatta Island before those uptight religious nuts!
I just had a fantastic idea for a novel — Provincetown: A Story of Lesbian Love on the Mayflower. Priscilla, the Pilgrim Peeress arrives in the new world looking for a new life. She thought she was devoting her life to God until she met a Warrior Woman of the Wampanoags! Can their forbidden love make it through the first Thanksgiving? Or will Priscilla have to marry that bellicose dwarf Miles Standish while Warrior Woman is forced to marry the English speaking Squanto?
Total crap! But everyone in modern Provincetown would buy it.
What are the other two books about? I’m sure you are dying to find out. The one about Teddy Roosevelt is about, well, Teddy Roosevelt. He used to have horrific attacks of asthma as a child. His family would rush him out of Manhattan to the countryside to get him some “good air.” He apparently had these attacks at the same time each week — Sunday morning right before church. Now that is my kind of President. “Um, six hours of church, huh? Uh oh! Can’t breathe. Gasping for air here! We better head down the shore! Really, really suffocating here! Where are my water wings?”
And Sea of Glory is about the last sailing expedition to sail around the globe and the first to extensively map the coast of Antarctica and the South Pacific. But who gives two shits about that? It is really about this egomaniacal man named Charles Wilkes who got fobbed off on this expedition because no one else wanted to lead it. But he was only a Lieutenant and not a Captain and that REALLY pissed him off. How dare the U.S. give him command of several ships and NOT name him a captain?!! This caused him to become an evil tyrant bastard to the men who served under him! How dare they share his same rank!? He routinely sent them to the lash, up to 3 times the legal limit. In fact, he was court martialed for his bad behavior on ship. TWICE!! Still became an admiral, though. Ain’t that just the way? Bad bosses are always promoted.
Very little sodomy in the book. But there is plenty of rum and the lash.
You know, Winston Churchill was credited with saying, “Don’t talk to me about naval tradition! It’s nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.” But when asked about this clever turn of phrase, Winston said, “I did not coin that phrase, but I wish I had.”
I think I know what my next book of historical non-fiction will be about!
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 21st, 2007 at 9:25 pm and is filed under literal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I didn’t even see this post last night, but I was multi-tasking.
Usually when I read history books its about Renaissance Italy. Or I read history books for research for short stories (for instance, I know a heck of a lot about French Colonial Vietnam)
Well at least Winston Churchill wasn’t insisting the navy men ‘don’t ask don’t tell’. Looks like he’d already asked, and they’d told. Rum, sodomy and the lash. Three of my favorite things, at least when you put’em all together. Separately, they’re all kinda mediocre.
Isn’t that JUST like a bunch of bloody, self righteous christians?! They hate everyone for not being the way they want, so they set off to create a cult environment of their own during which they screw up the navigation (stupid, as usual) and then steal from people they don’t even know — a direct contradiction of their purported beliefs, esp. since the Dutch weren’t “good enough” christians for them! (Using Yosemite Sam voice) I HATES christians.
Good point, Che! The whole IS more than the sum of it’s parts.
Richard, I wholly support your book writing, either about the lesbian Mayflower lass, or the Rum, Sodomy, and Lash book. I’d buy it. Or, I’d buy the latter ;-P
Yes, I’d buy either of those books. Is the Rum, Sodomy and the Lash book an instructional tome?
Rum, Sodomy and the Lash: Everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask. by Ricardus Praevius
I’m in.
Coincidentally, that’s also the title of Chapter 3.
My historicals started out with English Royalty — the princes in the tower, Henry and his assorted wives, Elizabeth, War of the Roses, you know that sort. Then it was England in the 17th century and Catherine DeMedici and before you know it is in Revolutionary U.S. (skipped that in college — didn’t want gung ho patriotism)and the 19th century middle east and now it is just all over the place.
In some ways, it is like fantasy. Far off places that you can NEVER go to. Because of the problem of time travel and all that.
Interestingly, Mojo said that he liked the historically set Dr Whos better than the future ones. In the old (or Classic) Who, the feeling was that people were bored with the historical Whos and they stopped doing them in 1966 and didn’t do them again until the 80s!
Leave it to Mojo to like what no one else does.
And I realize that sets me up as the butt of a joke.
(Tee hee hee…
the new-who writers are an interesting bunch.
i’m about to start reading “too far from home” about the three men left haplessly orbiting earth after the space shuttle columbia dropped them off at the space station and later exploded. does that fit in with the ship theme?
i, um… actually find mapmaking somewhat fascinating. *sheepish*
Map Making IS fascinating. Especially the whole “The Mercator Projection is an evil racist White Centric way of looking at the world in which predominantly white countries (or regions) appear much larger than countries (or continents) predominantly of color” vs “The Gall-Peters Projection is a way to still have lines of distance be linear but project a true representation of relative country size” controversy!
I mean, it is true that in the Mercator Project Greenland looks bigger than Africa (which is 14 times the size of Greenland) and Alaska looks bigger than Brazil (which is 5 times the size of Alaska), but even Mercator only used the projection to plot courses.
Or so I am told by the EVIL MERCATOR CONSPIRATORS!
But hey, the only way to get the closest representation to true size and distance is via a Globe.
So No more Maps!
Unless they are curved.
And by the way, who decided the predominantly white countries would be on top of the world?
There’s no up or down in space.
Just saying.
Maps.. mercator… er.. um.. what he said.
Hey, why didn’t ya’ll tell me that in HP, the bad guys win every single time? God that Harry Potter - the brat deserves a good caning. Why do the nice transhumanists like Voldemort get whooped up on. Its religious discrimination. And Lucius in jail! He needs someone to sodomize. Where do I volunteer? (This is the sodomy post, right?)
Caning for HP. Caning I say!
Hey, guess what! Its only 85 degrees today!Had a big storm last night. (seems to be what happens whenever I do some sort of elemental-related work). I’m sure it’ll be back up to the 100s by tomorrow, but today is enjoyable.
again with the elementals! i think i like them best when they’re mixed.
i can’t imagine why that is. *blink blink*