The Shattered Prayer

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Its that time again, and I’m going first. Hated being last last week.

“I wish I had a holy grail to quest for, even if it was really small,” writes my Gemini reader Marta, who describes herself as a “wannabe Prometheus.” I have good news for her, as well as for all the rest of you wannabe Prometheans who have been pining for a raison d’être, a burning desire, or a not-quite-impossible dream to throw yourself into with 110 percent commitment: Look out of the corners of your eyes to spot the strange attractor (also known as the unauthorized magic) that is bobbing ever so seductively on the far horizon.

Marta obviously isn’t a real Gemini. No self-respecting Gemini would ever be caught without a quest (like the Sagittarius, we’re often caught with our pants down, but never without a quest). And my strange attractor isn’t bobbing in the distance. Its attached to my hot and cold running spine.

For steff:

Metaphorically speaking, I foresee glacier ice melting and molten rock flowing in your immediate future, Aries. I expect that hard solids will become fluid, that permanent fixtures will be in flux. This is a good thing, believe me. Though it may unnerve you at first, you will have the power to change things you never thought could be changed in a hundred years. You will have the freedom to create new vessels for energy that has outgrown its old vessels.

Sounds pretty relevant, all things considered. And at least he didn’t tell you to ‘mind your own business’.

I think maybe this week Bas wins the WTF award:

Plagued by back problems, my friend Eduardo went to a psychic healer in Brazil. He got his treatment while seated on a chair in a room crowded with other patients. The shaman massaged Eduardo’s spine for a few minutes. Suddenly, out of nowhere, streams of black mud appeared all over his back. Was this some sort of stage magic? The healer announced that the mud had been the cause of the pain, and that he had exorcised it from Eduardo’s body. My friend rested there a while, musing on the improbable event that had apparently happened, and enjoying a new feeling of ease in his back. His bewilderment at the mystery of his own cure turned to stupefaction when he saw what the shaman pulled from the next patient’s belly: an old shoe. Now here’s an odd coincidence, Libra: One of the best gifts you can give yourself right now is to visualize a psychic healer (or your guardian angel) removing a load of mud and an old shoe from your body.

If you happen to find two old shoes in there, I could use a new pair.

Mojo will be a liberator this week:

Right now, you have what it takes to be a liberator. You can free people who are enslaved to their fears. You could also be a bridge-builder who provides wandering souls with the means to escape from the middle of nowhere. If you’re feeling especially heroic, you might even be able to serve as both a liberator and bridge-builder. To do so would almost certainly require you to be more of a leader than you’ve ever been before. But if I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, you have more than enough cosmic juju at your disposal to do just that.

And doing all that with his pants down. Quite a feat. Maybe you could liberate them shoes from Bas’ body.

R the P is walkin’ on water this week:

I want to call your attention to the title of a Christian-themed inspiration book by John Ortberg: If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat. You don’t really need to read it, because simply meditating on the theme will yield all the insight you need. To jump-start your intuition, I’ll add a corollary: If you want to talk to a burning bush, you should initiate the conversation. Don’t wait for the bush to break the ice.

Alls I gotta say is, I’m really glad you don’t have to read that book.

Shelley’s been writin’ love-letters to Rob:

“Dear Rob: I love your compassionate contrarianism. Your horoscopes are so spiritual, they’re practical. They’re so earthy, they’re cosmic. They’re anti-hero horoscopes for heroes, or maybe heroic horoscopes for anti-heroes. Here’s my question: Do you have any advice for my psychotherapist? You’re doing a better job than he is, and I’d like to give him some tips from you. ?Pisces Gamer.” Dear Gamer: Tell your psychotherapist that what you Pisceans need these days is a dose of reversalism. That means you should experiment freely with seeing the other side of every story and tuning in to the opposite of what you’ve tried before.

And there you have our horoscopes for the week. Rob can be found here.

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