The Shattered Prayer

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I have slowly been answering a question for Che on the Shattered Prayer. She asked me to talk about Supergirl. But Supergirl’s history is not as straightforward as you might think. So I talked about the original Supergirl, and about the first post-Crisis Supergirl, and even about Earth-2’s huge-breasted Supergirl, Power Girl. But that still doesn’t bring us up to date on DC’s current version of Supergirl. So here it goes. Supergirl of the New Earth.

The one that really could use a sandwich.

When I left off with the first post Crisis Supergirl, she was recovering from being a blob of jelly and heading towards cancellation. So the powers that be decided to retool the Earth Angel of Fire to bring in more readers. So they decided to pattern their Supergirl on the version who had been in the Superman animated show on television. That Supergirl had first appeared on May 2, 1998. Because Superman was still the last son of Krypton, this Supergirl was Kara In-Ze from Krypton’s “sister world” of Argos. And it is here that Supergirl first cuts her shirt in half.

So the writer of the comic book version of Supergirl had to make his adult Earth Angel become the teenaged half shirt wearing hero currently being viewed on TV. So He depowered Linda, by making the Earth Angel fall from grace and lose her connection to Matrix, the blob of jelly Supergirl. Linda retains some of Matrix’s superstrength, but loses many of her powers, including the power of flight. Linda therefore begins a quest to get her powers back. She also changes her clothes. And meets several of DC’s other mainstays, like my beloved Captain Marvel, Jr.. (That was just a cheap excuse to refer back to my Captain Marvel Jr posts on SP, and to have a shot of Cap Jr.’s ass).

Linda eventaully got back her Supergirl powers, but not her original Supergirl costume. I guess she thought she had great abs. And then something happened to change everything again.

The Superman Animated Series was canceled.

And DC decided to change Supergirl again. Peter David, faced with a new direction for Supergirl in less than two years, complied. And the first Post-Crisis Supergirl met the Pre-Crisis Supergirl. This led to some hilarious send ups of the Pre-Crisis universe (e.g., Pre-Crisis Supergirl did a handstand to try to “move the earth” and Superman got exposed to pink Kryptonite and fell in love with Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen — believe me, Jimmy Olsen deserves a post by himself). It also provided an opportunity to send up some of Supergirl’s most famous comic book covers. Linda discovered the Pre-Crisis Supergirl was supposed to die in the Crisis and flew back to the Pre-Crisis Universe to save her. In the process, she fell in love with Superman, married him, had a daughter, lost her, erased her own false Pre-Crisis timeline, and let Pre-Crisis Supergirl die in the Crisis like she was supposed to. She then returned to the DC present day universe, emotionally drained and defeated, and retired from Supergirl-ing forever.

Why did this popular and well written version of Supergirl retire? DC canceled the series and told Peter David to wrap it real fast and get rid of the Linda Danvers Supergirl for good. DC Editorial had other ideas for the Girl of Steel. So after 80 issues (the longest run ever for a Supergirl series), Peter David sent Linda out to pasture.

And then DC did some stupid shitty stuff with the Supergirl name. Like make the thankfully short-lived Cir-el version of Supergirl. I don’t even want to talk about her. Sigh. Here goes — a dark haired woman shows up, says she is Superwoman, then calls herself Supergirl, and says she is Superman’s daughter. Lois gets ridiculously jealous thinking Clark had an affair when he was like 10 years, years before he even met Lois, in order to have this Supergirl. Then we find out she is Superman and Lois’ child from the future. But she’s not. She’s a human changed by Braniac 13 blah blah blah. Thankfully she sacrificed herself to the timelines, erasing her existence and allowing everyone to forget she ever stank up the pages of DC Comics.

There. That good enough?

After this misstep, DC went through yet another change in editorial policy. After 20 years of being Krypton’s sole survivor, DC said no more “last Son of Krypton” for Superman. Other people (and dogs) could come from Krypton and that included Kara Zor-El. So the “real” Supergirl could now “officially” return to the DC Universe.

And she would do it naked.

A few years after Krypto the Super Dog returned to the DC Universe, the Girl from Krypton also returned. (Nice that a Dog rated higher than Kara did). Once again, she was Superman’s cousin. Once again she had been rocketed to Earth from a dying civilization. But this time, it was from Krypton proper and not floating Argo City. And this time, her father, Zor-El may have been evil. Or just misunderstood. Or badly written. But whatever he was, he continued the ridiculous El family tradition of building rockets big enough to carry only one person.

In the modern tradition, therefore, Kara was rocketed to Earth right before Krypton exploded, as a 16 year old. Unfortunately, the sad-sack El family continued to do everything half-assed, and her rocket got caught in suspended animation. She therefore arrived on Earth after her infant cousin Kal-El was already a grown man. (In this respect, she took her origin from Big Breasted Power Girl, not Demure Earth One Pre-Crisis Supergirl). But constantly second-best El brother, Zor-El forgot to pack any clothes so she arrived on Earth naked. And apparently starving after more than 30 years without any food.

After being evil for a while (hey, aren’t all 16 year olds?), the new Supergirl settled into being a superhero, one who loved showing off her emaciated belly. Once again, loving Kal-El dumped her on someone else so that they could raise her. This time, Wonder Woman’s people, the Amazons. But Supergirl quickly left them and got her own series. To pass the time, she fought Power Girl (albeit metaphorically, and sometimes physically). She also turned evil again, at least for a while. (In fact, for a while they toyed with the whole “Was she sent to earth to look after Kal-El — OR TO KILL HIM!” ridiculousness.) She even got a boyfriend, a hairy chested sweetheart named Power Boy. At least he was a sweetheart at first. DC can’t make teenage boys without making them complete assholes, so he quickly changed his sweet personality completely to become an abusive stalker. But don’t worry. He got his. Just this month, he was killed by being impaled on a branch. (Supergirl didn’t kill him. Someone else did.)

Luckily abusive boyfriends couldn’t keep Supergirl down. She showed him the door, dusted herself off and traveled forward in time to the 31st century to join the three-boot Legion of Super-Heroes, just like her Pre-Crisis self had done with the Pre-Crisis Legion of Super-Heroes (As of this month, present day Supergirl is both in the future with the Legion, as the Legion Leader, while simultaneously being in the present in her own title.)

(A side note about Supergirl’s history with the Legion — after the Pre-Crisis Supergirl was erased from history, the Legion originally remembered her and mourned her death, but DC editorial decreed she no longer existed — so Supergirl was retroactively removed from Legion history, and Laurel Gand was introduced in her place, as the hero Andromeda. Laurel was from a Daxam city-colony floating in space. Daxam was a world much like Krypton and home to Legionnaire Lar Gand, who went by the name Mon-El — here is the present day Supergirl choking Mon-El. So in a way, Andromeda was also a “Supergirl” even though she never used the name. As a nod to her “Supergirl” origin, Laurel sported a headband for a while — and for some reason, a jacket and panties. Unlike her Pre-Crisis predecessor, Laurel became a xenophobe, but thankfully got over that.)

Unfortunately, DC can’t seem to get Supergirl quite right. This present version of Supergirl is terribly uneven. The title seemed groundless for quite some time, only recently recovering somewhat. It is as if the men at DC don’t know what to do with a super powered girl. After all, why worry about consistent personality when you can just take off her clothes? The Supergirl title had a ridiculous preoccupation with Supergirl’s 16 year old body. It was commonplace for adult men to ogle, chase, or live with her. DC editorial seemed suddenly to realize how creepy this seemed and has recently tried to change that, even changing the writer on the series. They also replaced the artist in a well publicized an attempt to make her look more like a real human girl (notice how “girl like” she is. She’s crying, after all!) and less like a anorexic stick figure. (By the way, that’s the President’s plane. Supergirl and Wonder Girl — Kara’s new best friend, attacked Air Force One during an Amazon attack on the U.S.)

Who knows how long this current version of Supergirl will last. There is a (supposedly) Final Crisis,which will change the DC Universe once more. Who knows if this Supergirl will survive that “Final” Crisis? But until then, we will continue with our present, secret-ID-less Kara Zor-El, the anorexic Supergirl.

And lament the dearly departed Linda Danvers, the Fallen Earth Angel of Fire, gone forever.

Or is she?

Buy me a beer!

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