Loading ...When people ask me what religion I am, I want to be able to give a cool - but short - answer (preferably one that will also frighten them a little) instead of saying, “Have you got a few days?” So, in the interest of maintaining brevity and spreading fear, I invite my readers to give my religion a name. You can submit more than one answer, and the winner gets a free dispensation (erm… religious, not pharmaceutical) and a mention in the holy scripture.
Here are the rules:
1. The name must convey the flavor of my religion. For those of you who think my religion is pie-flavored, well okay maybe a little, but lets keep it spiritual.
2. The name must be five words or less, including “of” and “the”.
3. You can’t use names of existing religions. As cool (as as accurate) as “Esoteric Order of Dagon”, “The Starry Wisdom Cult” and “The Jedi” sound, they’re already taken.
4. Names can be in any language, including Klingon, Bathyllic and Lothlorian, but should be accompanied by a translation. The translation must abide by the above rules. Dead languages are especially encouraged.
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uh-uh. i’m not participating without a pharmaceutical dispensary. caffeine is an acceptable substitute.
or pie. can there be pie?
perhaps if we knew a bit more about your religion…
wait, does “billion-year-old” count as one word or three?
well, if its hyphenated like that I guess its one.
“the stardust sex vortex covenant”
“the stardust sex vortex covenant”
unless someone already used that one, of course.
stupid preemptive posting.
I see you got really excited about that one.
The taste of delicous pie.
Or
The Mark of the Rani.
That last one was a Doctor Who story from the 80s, but I think it should fit.
The Wedding HellGear of the Superverse.
No. I like the taste of delicious pie.
People will think you are being facetious (because you will be) and they won’t ask any more questions.
Hmmm…. the taste of delicious pie. Has a certain ring to it. And you’re right - it would keep people from asking further questions. And lets face it, my religion is one of those subjects best left alone. Only the bravest people ask that shit.
And yet, the taste of delicious pie doesn’t quite have the fear-factor I’m looking for. Maybe something like “the taste of delicious baby-pie”.
anyhoo… speaking of pie. I made a cheesecake tonight. A REAL cheesecake. One of those BIG ones that takes light-years to bake and you actually have to invoke actual hellfire in order to bake it. Hmm… there’s a name for my religion in there somewhere.
“Cheesecake baked in hell”
“Cheesecake, just like satan used to make”.
Something.
Anyway. I baked a cheesecake.
cult of the tentacly cheesecake?
Cheesecake Majesty?
Cookie Dreamscape?
Panoply of Pie Perusings?
Divinity, er, Divinity?
Occult Angel Food Ascension?!
Can you tell I haven’t had enough sleep?
I’ve never made a cheesecake. I’m cowed by the springform pan. How much hellfire did it require?
Don’t fear the springform! The springform is your friend!
Its the hellfire that’s the scary part.
It was a delicious cheesecake, btw.
Dammit! I need a delicious cheesecake!
Springform is your friend.
But you should probably steer clear of bovine spongiform encephalopathy.
Which is, of course, what I immediately thought of when Mojo said “Springform.”
I need some sleep too, apparently.
Oh Richard! Don’t bring up Mad Cow Disease… or is that a statement on me?
But, as usual, we digress.
How about Shadowmancing?
Ruiter van geestwinden (”Rider of spirit winds” in Dutch)?