Loading ...Once again, its time for Rob to share his wisdom with us. Me first, since its my death-day today:
What I hope you’ll achieve in the coming days is a state of mind like that described by Dan Linton, one of my readers. This is his report. “Last night I went to Wal-Mart with a friend who was returning some tools. I walked around the store while he was at the service desk. In the shampoo aisle an unusual man who looked like an Aborigine made extended eye contact with me. As he walked past he announced in a happy tone, ‘Your mind is empty.’ I was super excited and found my friend to tell him. ‘Isn’t that an insult?’ he asked. ‘No,’ I said. ‘The guy meant that my mind is clear, which is true. This is the first time in two years I’ve felt that my mind is free of shrunken expectations, limiting concepts, and emotional distortions.’”
Okay, its obvious I’ll never achieve that state of mind, because I never, ever, under any circumstances, go to Wal-mart. If I have to go to Wal-mart to be enlightened, then I’ll remain a spiritual retard for all eternity.
“Your mind is empty”. Well of course his mind was empty - he was at Wal-mart for fuck’s sake.
Steff goes hi-def this week:
High-definition TV makes everything look more vivid than standard broadcast technology. Images are so high-quality they almost appear 3-D. While this is enjoyable to viewers, some performers are uncomfortable with the way it reveals their skin’s imperfections. Did you know that Brad Pitt has acne scars? I predict a metaphorically similar development for you in the coming weeks, Aries. Every little thing you do will be more highly visible and have greater impact than before. Wherever you’ve been 2-D, you’ll become 3-D. That could turn out really well for you if you take it as a challenge to fine-tune your commitment to excellence and integrity.
Wal-mart, hi-def TVs - Rob’s going all capitalist on our asses this week.
For Bas:
“Where would the gardener be if there were no weeds?” asked ancient Chinese sage Chuang Tzu. To that I add: Where would lawyers be without crimes? How would psychotherapists fare without neurotics? What would critics do without the stuff they love to diss? Now let’s apply this line of thinking to you, Libra. What thing that you dislike also happens to be something you need? What condition that you’re opposed to is essential in constructing your identity? This is a good time to acknowledge the value of everything you oppose, disagree with, and fight against.
This is also a good time to drop by SP and let us know what you’re up to. (thats my horoscope for Libras this week.)
Mojo, our resident Sagittarian, gets showered with high-falutin’ gobbledy-gook:
Here’s the first thing you need to know about the current state of your destiny: “Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.” That message comes to you from poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Here’s the second piece of wisdom you should take with you everywhere you go. It’s from Vladimir Nabokov: “For aren’t you and I gods? Let all of life be an unfettered howl. Release life’s rapture. Everything is blooming. Everything is flying. Everything is screaming. Laughter. Running.”
Well, at least he doesn’t have you running and screaming and laughing with your pants down. This time.
Richard:
Opening for travel in 1926, Route 666 ran from Arizona through three other states. It became a problem for fundamentalist Christians, who got obsessed with the idea that 666 is an evil number associated with the devil. As their toxic delusions increasingly poisoned America’s collective imagination, there was a growing outcry to rename the road. Finally, highway authorities gave in to the pressure and officially banished 666, turning it into Route 191 in Arizona and Route 491 elsewhere. This is an idiotically superstitious example of an otherwise sound principle that actually has merit: Altering the name of a person or thing can change the way it’s perceived, and possibly even transform its essential nature. I bring this up, Aquarius, because now is an excellent time for you to use this principle to your advantage. What or whom would benefit from a renaming?
Nah. Thats just wrong. They should’ve left it the way it was. Satan needs his own highway.
And once again Shelley gets a short, half-assed horoscope because she’s a Pisces, and last in the zodiac, so Rob always runs out of steam by the time he gets to her:
Please don’t get sidetracked by the pursuit of minor dreams that would give you trivial satisfaction. And please talk yourself out of going after ephemeral rewards that would at best provide you with a false sense of accomplishment. Here’s why this advice is even more important than usual: You have an intense but limited amount of driving ambition available to you at the moment, so you’ve got to make sure you use it on a project or projects that will still be meaningful to you a year from now.
And for those of you who are going in search of enlightenment, pick me up some cream cheese and sugar while you’re at Wal-mart.
Buy me a beer!
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I see Rob wants me to change my name and for Mojo to scream about it.
Poor Shelley has to limit her ambitions too! At least they are intense.
Steff, hi-def TVs are amazing. Although I could do without Brad Pitt’s acne scars.
And Bas, wherefor art thou, Bas?
Che — if your horoscope teaches nothing else, it should teach us to avoid Wal-Mart.
At all costs.
The last time I was in Wal-mart, it was while evacuating from the big K. (as opposed to the Special K, which I’d never run from). I was kind of in shock and powerless to resist my neighbor’s desire to go to wal-mart. I spoke to a friend on the phone who asked me how I was doing.
“I went to a Wal-mart. In Arkansas. How do you think I’m doing?”
I do speak to Bas via email. He’s been pretty busy. But still, he could make the occasional public appearance, eh? Eh, Bas?
Well, I’m going to have left-over chocolate cake for breakfast. My death-day cake.
Which I had to bake myself.
Today I’m mekkin a carrot cake. I was going to make it yesterday but my sister had the round cake pans, so I made a chocolate sheet-cake. Today I have the round pans back, so… mmmmm… carrot cake.
It is times like these when I wish that I were near you.
Mmmm. Chocolate cake.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Carrot cake.
Personally i avoid Aborigines in shampoo aisles whenever possible these days.. Aisle 666 if i were to rename it.
But as for staying too close to the gardening shed.. you just find your world limited to your gardening tools as best friends and forget about the garden.
Hello again my beautiful flowers!
I’m ready for some new ephemeral rewards releasing some of those life’s raptures
Gahd.. i’ve got to find me some of those meds Rob’s been having!
Lovely to hear from Bas!
And good to know he’s avoiding Aborigines in the shampoo aisle.
Sound advice.