The Shattered Prayer

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I’ve had a crap couple of days, but I’ll post our horoscopes anyway. Just don’t expect me to be witty or anything. Today, I’m the evil anti-wit.

Steff’s horoscope:

Ernest Hemingway said that his best work was a very short story consisting of six words: “For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.” Alan Moore’s brief masterpiece of fiction is, I think, just as good: “Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time.” Here’s another gem, written anonymously: “The last man on earth heard a knock on the door.” Your assignment in the coming week, Aries, is to be as pithy as these terse geniuses. Proceed on the assumption that your effectiveness will thrive in direct proportion to your brevity and conciseness. Assume that you will be most likely to get what you want if you use the fewest words and the most minimal actions necessary.

Minimal action, sure… but minimal words? I’m not sure any of us could accomplish that, chatty, opinionated bunch that we are.

My horoscope:

Do you realize that you now have a great potential to instigate ringing surprises? Your knack for healing the seemingly unhealable is at a peak, as is your ability to accomplish the impossible, get insight into the incomprehensible, and feel equanimity amidst the uncontrollable. What do you plan to do with all that mojo, Gemini? I suggest that you act like a character in a fairy tale who has been given three wishes. Not two or four, but three.

I only need one wish. To quote Morrissey, “Come, Armageddon, come.” Oh hell. You know its a bad day when I’m quoting Morrissey.

For Bas:

Here’s transpersonal psychologist Roger Walsh, writing in the December 2001 issue of IONS Review: “This is the first time in history that publicly acknowledging that you follow two or more distinct spiritual traditions would not have you burned at the stake, stoned to death, or facing a firing squad. We tend to forget what an extraordinary time this is, that for the first time in history we have the entirety of the world’s spiritual and religious traditions available to us, and we can practice them . . . without fear.” I advise you to take full advantage of this extraordinary freedom, Libra — especially now, while you’re in a phase of your astrological cycle that’s conducive to expanding your spiritual repertoire. Think about adding some ideas and practices and magic from outside your established belief system.

And for Mojo:

Most astronomers are irrationally prejudiced against us astrologers. They typically deride our ancient art without ever having read any of the masters whose work articulates the core principles of astrology. It’s the equivalent of speaking about the theory of relativity without ever having studied Einstein. Despite their disdain, I don’t hate them back. On the contrary, I celebrate their efforts to understand the universe, and I make abundant use of the information they’ve gleaned. Be like me in the coming week, Sagittarius. Appreciate those who don’t appreciate you, especially if they are doing good work that can benefit you and others.

I think the scariest part of your horoscope is when Rob says, “Be like me”.

Yikes.

Richard, on the other hand, is going to give birth this week:

Maybe you’ve conceived a child at some time in your life. Maybe you never have or never will. Whatever the case, even if you’re a man, I invite you to visualize the experience. Imagine that a force of nature has germinated, and that you are carrying another life within you. Try to approximate the uncanny twinge that a pregnant woman senses when her fetus first moves. This exercise will be a simulation of and rehearsal for the psychic quickening you will soon enjoy.

Oh yuck. I can’t even imagine an exercise like this would be in any way pleasurable. Imagining a foetus *shudder*. Well, have fun Richard.

Now, when I see the name Sylvia Plath at the beginning of a horoscope, I’m wary about reading the rest of it, But this time, its not so bad. And its your’s, Shelley:

In her journals, Sylvia Plath said there are two different ways to be free of desires. The first is when you are “dead and rotten inside and there is nothing in the world.” The second is when you are “so full and rich and have so many inner worlds that the outer world is not necessary for joy, because joy emanates from the inner core of your being.” In the past, Pisces, you have had a few encounters with the dead and rotten state. But I believe you are now in a phase when the full and rich condition will prevail. During this grace period, you will not really need anything beyond what you already have. My advice? Start the celebration!

Of course, there’s a third way to be free of desires. To have every goddam thing you want! I vote you go in that direction.

Rob can be found here.

Buy me a beer!

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