Loading ...I still occasionally feel compelled to visit the Free Will Astrology guy to see what idiotic nonsense he’s made up this week. Honestly, he’s the worst in horoscopes. Lets face it all those daily and weekly horoscopes are bad. Someone is actually getting paid to make this stuff up, but the Free Will guy goes off on these weird tangents. I’ve said it before. I’m a Gemini, I like to hear about me. Me me me…
So when you start a horoscope writing about a bathtub, you’re gonna lose me. This is my free will horoscope for the day:
Of all the objects in the world that are made of 22-karat gold, a bathtub in Japan is the biggest. Weighing in at over 300 pounds, it’s in the Funabara Hotel a hundred miles south of Tokyo. I suggest you regard it as your personal symbol of power in the coming week, Gemini. It will remind you to stay true to your task, which is to cleanse yourself extravagantly as you purge your heart of all motivations that aren’t pure gold.
What?
What the hell does that mean? I can do better. Want my horoscope for today… here it is.
Aries: Hey, watch yer head there buddy… ouch.. thats gotta hurt.
Taurus: Are you awake? How can we tell? Shut off Oprah and say something dammit.
Gemini: I wouldn’t eat that pita bread if I were you… no.. scraping the mold off isn’t going to help. Okay… just put 911 on the speed dial.
Cancer: Oh, quit crying already, he’s not coming back.
Leo: Stay away from beaches this week. No, you’re not in danger, but those twelve pies you ate last week are going straight to your hips.
Virgo: Awwww… its your birthday. Know what? I don’t care.
Libra: All the flowers and the candy and the romance paid off. Now get to the clinic for a shot of penicillin.
Scorpio: Take it from an expert, forget the honey-barbeque sauce, babies are tastier with hot sauce.
Sagittarius: Fuck you, Pluto IS a planet!
Capricorn: All your hard work will be rewarded. Now lend me some money.
Aquarius: If anyone knows where the good drugs can be found, its you. Thats why I like you.
Pisces: Shut up, no one takes you seriously.
Buy me a beer!
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This entry was posted on Friday, September 15th, 2006 at 12:29 pm and is filed under mystical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
[...] By Che I thought Today’s Horoscope from over at the Shattered Prayer deserved a larger audience, so here it is: [...]
Those are much simpler than the drivel we usually have to endure. I say let’s have the Shattered Prayer Horoscopes every week! Mine was dead accurate.
You must be working away at the Tarot readings. It has been a quiet weekend here at the Shattered Prayer. But we all need quiet weekends from time to time.
You know, JtO, mine was accurate too. Maybe I will make it a weekly addition to the blog.
And R the P, I’m actually working on fiction today. I really felt the need to do some writing. So it has been a quiet weekend for the Shattered Prayer. Hell, I’m even behind on updating the news.
Well, mine was not accurate. Any day when that would have happened is loooong behind me now.
We’ve had a quiet weekend as well. We meant to do so much more, but we’ve done so little. A wasted weekend? Perhaps. But perhaps just catching up on needed rest.
I’m with you on that. I get the feeling I should have, could have, done more. But I know next week is going to be stressful so I just wanted a nice quiet weekend.
We all need to catch up on the rest sometime.
I’m sorry to hear your next week is going to be stressful. I have a big meeting coming up at work in which I have to delineate this whole research plan. Not looking forward to it. I think that is why my brain has just said to me “You’re not working this weekend. We’re taking a holiday.”
Can’t argue with my brain.
Hang in there… we both have busy weeks too so we all just need to ‘power through’. (Sorry, I won’t use that phrase in future.)
As an interesting aside, Ads by Goooooogle for some reason put a link to Rachael Ray on your main Shattered Prayer page! WTF? I cannot imagine what was mentioned on your site that would link to her, not even the B-word. Even if it were the B-word, linking that to her is a stretch. What’s next, links to Buicks or Pillsbury Croissants or Electrolux vacuum cleaners?! I clearly do not get it…
Frighteningly enough, I too was greeted by a Rachael Ray ad as I entered the site. Could it be she’s been using our Mojito of the Undead Recipe on her show? Or more likely, the Congealed Salad Flying Ointment would be more to her liking.
Even more frightening is your use of the phrase ‘power through’.
yes… lets do that.
I got an ad for “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy” which I find even more frightening than Rachel Ray — I am not one of her apparently 4 billion devotees.
Oh. There’s Rachel. She couldn’t stay away forever.
All i know is that if we keep posting comments about Rachael Ray, we’ll never get rid of those adds.
Good point… what would be more fun? Maybe sex toys or lederhosen, or maybe those are the same thing.
What should we talk about to inspire more interesting Google Ads?
And, Che, I promise I will not use any more buzzphrases because that just decreases this site’s synergy.
There’s been no new posts in like a billion days!
Actually I posted over on your partner’s blog.