Loading ...Which do you want first? Not that anyone cares aout either.
Got my 7th, I think it is, yes 7th, rejection from FEMA. Their reason this time: Because we can. They actually gave no reason in this letter, mainly because there is no reason. I have sent them every single piece of documentation they’ve requested. I’ve sent them all my receipts, oh, and all my eviction letters. Everything.
They still rejected my request for emergency funding.
Fuck’em.
And the good news, I’ve gone from Pope, to Saint in one evening. (to find out how I became pope, please see the comment section of the new stuff post) I now have stigmata. Of course, the stigmata happened when I punctured my palm while cutting up pita bread for my falafel. Of course, in our religion cooking accidents should count as miracles (and since I’m pope, I say they do - though I guess I should get the other two popes to vote on it). Therefore, I’m now a saint.
I also got to experience a little passion of the christ, and I have to wonder if he did as much swearing as I did.
Saint Leopold Zagnut. Has a nice ring to it.
Buy me a beer!
If you enjoyed this article please with your favourite bookmarking tool, or donate to assist with site maintenence and to keep tarot readings free. Thanks!
Email this post to a friend
826 Views
Recently:
- Ladies of the Legion II
- Ladies of the Legion
- Super-Sister
- Writing Weekend
- A Coda on CoDA
- Did Plurk Kill the Shattered Prayer?
- Happy Birthday Bea!
- Lois Lane — Unpleasantly Sexy
- Hysterical Blindness
- Welcome back Mojo and Richard.
Comments
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 at 12:29 am and is filed under mystical. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Dear St. Zagnut, Patron Saint of the Delicious Chocolate Treat, I am sorry to learn of your most recent maltreatment by FEMA. They do indeed suck the big one.
However, I was pleased to hear that you have achieved stigmata which qualifies as a miracle because I’m one of the popes and I say so. Anybody who doesn’t like that can covene at the Diet of Worms where you will be fed, appropriately, a diet of actual worms. So stuff it, losers, I’m pope. Well, alright, ONE of the popes, but it’s Holy See to you, peasant.
Ahem, getting back to Che, I’d like to point out that FEMA is a big giant annoying turd. I sure hope I am never in a disaster with those losers around. I’ll surely have to remind them that I am white and a pope and if they don’t help me, I’ll call my good buddy Lucifer to mark down their deeds in his lovely book of evils. Though I suppose I wouldn’t want to mention Lucifer in the same breath as FEMA because at least Lucifer was a favored angel at one point in history (or so one story goes). FEMA has been a blight for a very long time… almost as long as Maggie Thatcher was PM!
*LOL* Google Ads is putting up loads of stuff about popes on this page. Alas, they put up nothing about chocolate! Oh, and Amazon put up an add for the P*ssion of the Chr*st DVD (asterisks to avoid adding hits to that particular ad] or was that your own link, Che? Er, I mean, Pope Saint Zagnut.
Google also apparently wants us to upload our own videos to compete with their sample video of a kid doing tricks on a pogo stick. Yes, a pogo stick. I had one as a kid but I was lucky to stay on for 15 seconds. This kid was doing flips on that thing. I thought they were designed to hurt the kids or something. In fact, I didn’t even know they sold them these days.
Having thought about pogo sticks, I, as pope, issues a Papal Bull that henceforth pogo sticks are immoral and a sin. They are far too sexual for our youths to be using. All that up-and-down motion gives them ideas. Or is it me? Wait, no, it’s definitely you peasants who are the pervs, not me! I’m pope and everything I do is right. Yes, even the silly hat!
Well, FEMA is like that, incompetent and evil. I’ll be in New Orleans later on tonight. I’ll see how things are doing down there. It means I may be incommudicado until I get back. FEMA propably will say that New Orleans has recovered and no one needs money any more.
R the P, say Hello to Tyrone and Gloria for me.
Ah yes, my next malediction (I don’t give benedictions, they’re overrated if you ask me) will be for FEMA. Those incompetent bastards, good for nothing but sucking the tiny cock of W. In fact, I’ll make that cocksucking line a part of my malediction. Who says I can’t? No one! I’m Pope. Better.. a saint! (waving around my stigmata, splattering everyone with spots of holy, rose scented blood… yeah thats air-freshener - get your own!).
I’m seconding Pope Catherine de Cocoatree’s ban on pogo-sticks. They used to hurt me too. I get the feeling we were sorry, non-athletic, kids. But hey, at least we weren’t hitler youth.
BlasFEMA! Them horrible little oink oinks! In FEMA nos desperandum…
What ya do? Send them too MUCH paper this time? I hope they’ve suffered severe papercuts. Revenging stigmata will adorn their scornful hands for life.
Ahhh.. Hmm.. Sorry your Holiness. Have to go and smite down some pogonising herds here.
BlasFema is one of the best I’ve heard all day. FEMA can be the satan of our religion I guess.
but now that I’ve become a saint, we’ll need a replacement pope. How ’bout it Bas?Its a good job, great perks, nice hat!
BlasFEMA is a great word! Bas, you should consider becoming pope. The hat is nice, and if history is any guide, there is no limit to your power. Kings are at a lower level than popes… you can have as many guys, gals, and grapes as you wish, possibly all at the same time!
Add in the beautiful dresses, cool shepard’s hook, incense, and obviously, the hat and this is one hell of a job!
My favorite popes that I know about (and I admit I don’t know about many of them) are (1) any of the Borgias and (2) Benedict IX and (3) John XII (aka Octavius). What party animals!
I am now in Southern Mississippi (just roaming every where that Katrina damaged) and I can see why Che did not get her FEMA money — they can’t possibly have any left. SO much is still destroyed down here. The drive from New Orleans to Coastal Mississippi was littered with destroyed or damaged buildings, trees stripped of part of their branches, and just miles of nothingness.
The real reason you didn’t get your money, Che was probably that the FEMA folks (foul FEMA folks) spent it all on themselves and their cronies, but I like to think that they are still busy helping out this devastated region. It is my little Southern Mississippi fantasy.
Of course, that implies that they were EVER helping out this devastated region.
That’s depressing news Richard.. Makes me think of our jolt by the sea back in 1953; now that was before i was born, but the whole of the Netherlands went in overdrive and helped the people of the storm stricken people of the province of Zeeland. It’s now protected by the world most strongest dikes.
Maybe it’s the present day. Caring has become a crossword rarity word.
Maybe this arcane virtue is only left to be known by saints and popes.
Call me The Chocolate Crusader..
I support any crusader of chocolate, especially one supported by the world’s most strongest dikes!
Ready to swing and to swerve my High Lord Savourer of the Chocolate Taste!
Now let’s break some bars to festy our common culinary delight!
Your Popenesses..
Adderall….
Buy wholesale adderall. Adderall abuse. Adderall dosage instructions. Adderall. Taking adderall. Generic adderall….